Philosophical thoughts about the wig…

[Peter_mac]

Thinking of going this route, I find myself spending more and more time thinking why is there such a negative attitude in our society against the notion of wearing hair.

The first reason for the negative attitude (that I am going to discredit) which is very popular in this subforum, goes along the following lines: balding guys who choose to wear hair to cover the problem, are pathetic, insecure, lack self confidence, and not men enough to accept mother nature’s decisions with dignity. The advocators of this reason (who are very vocal on this subforum), continue and say that what women hate the most, is seeing such lack of self confidence in a man, as being shown by someone who dare to hide his hair problem, instead of accepting it, and showing it for all public to see without a hint of shame or regret. These advocators continue and say that hiding the hair problem with a wig will solve nothing, because the problem is totally within the balding guy’s mind, and once he will solve his insecurity problem, then lack of hair will not keep him from getting what he wants (no matter how bad a balding head makes him look).

At first glance, this reason seems legitimate, yes, it surely makes sense, if this is the reason why society has bad attitude against people who wear hair, maybe we have hope for our society for seeing things so wisely. But sadly, in reality, this reason doesn’t have legitimacy. Firstly, society in general treat balding guys as second grade people in some manners (and I won’t get into this, see no reason) so while it’s true that self confidence can take you a long way, there are still things it won’t get you, for which you need to simply be more attractive. Second, the *double standards* issue - simply visit the hair transplant forums (here and on other websites), why isn’t this same reason (lack of self confidence, etc) being shouted there as it is being shouted in the wigs forums ?. A guy who choose to go through hair transplant, with all due respect (playing the devil’s advocate here), is pathetic, insecure, lack self confidence, and not man enough to accept mother nature’s decisions with dignity. It is not impossible to tell someone had gone through hair transplant, you just need to know where and what to look for, so why women aren’t searching for that to eliminate all the guys who went through hair transplant, I thought self confidence is important to them… ?.

A guy who contemplates going through hair transplant, is just as “badâ€￾ as the one who contemplates to solve the problem by wearing hair. STILL, I can see men openly talking about getting hair transplant, and the general feeling around these talks is that it’s cool that they want to look better, and that it is nice to see men who are bothered by aesthetics (in contrast to those guys who don’t care how they look, and just sit on the couch fat, bald and unattractive).

The more I think of it, it seems to me that the real problem society has with wigs, is the following (and I’m going to be harsh to make the point, sorry): by choosing to go with a wig, society take that you are making the following statement: “I am smarter than you, I can fool you to believe anything I want, and you’ll accept it, because you are dumb, or at least have less IQ than me, you thought what I show you is real ?, in your face idiot !, and remember, you ate it only because you are dumb, if you had half a brain, you could have seen that it is a wig and not real hair. I could have gone through an hair transplant and look like I never got bald, but why, when most of the people in the world are as dumb as you, I can simply save my money. I am simply a cheap, dishonest person, and because you are dumb you fell for my liesâ€￾.

Now, you could theoretically solve this problem, by telling everyone that you wear hair (and explain the reason why hair transplant couldn’t be an option in your case). For those who can do it it’s great, but you really need a thick elephant skin, and preferably be married. The problem is that there are a lot of mean people around us, and it might backfire on you eventually (jokes, etc.). Also, even if there are no jokes, you can’t greet anyone you meet (like some cool girl you met or who knows) with the line “hello my name is baldy and I wear hair, I did it because aesthetics are important for me and I look much better with hair, I didn’t have hair transplant not because I’m cheap or I think you’re stupid, I simply don’t have enough donor area, in the future I will definitely get HM thoughâ€￾, sorry, but that’s the only way you’ll never “scamâ€￾ people…

My thoughts are that if you choose to go with the hiding strategy, society will accept the wig as a much more legitimate solution, assuming the following will be true:
1. The wig must look flawless. Extra care should be taken that the hair will be indistinguishable from real hair (and today this seems to be possible, in sharp contrast to the past). If this is done, then even if you decide to tell someone the truth (or they learn somehow), they won’t feel as stupid, since it really looks like real hair, and nobody could ever tell the difference. You didn’t try to disrespect their intelligence.

2. The guy who wear hair should not make the hair his strongest (or one of his strongest) selling points, attractiveness wise. He needs to keep a very good look, work out, stay thin, dress well, smell well, etc. The haircut should be decent, it should say “I’m not bald, I have decent hair, but don’t base your thoughts of how attractive I am mainly by looking at my hair, it’s nothing out of the ordinary, except for the fact that it exist to frame my face, and doesn’t subtract points of my total appearanceâ€￾. If this is done, then even if someone finds out your secret, it should largely reduce the “I’m dishonestâ€￾ factor.

 

[Peter_mac]

Ok, to be honest, even though the reasons that bring someone to treat his hairloss with hair transplant or wig, are the same, there is still an important difference I didn't mention and if I want to be fair I must mention it.

With hair transplant, the results are a true part of you, and will stay a part of you for good. With wigs, on the other hand, the results are not really a part of you, it's something that has to come off at times for maintenance. Even if it’s once every 2 weeks it’s still not an integral part of you…

It’s like the difference between meeting a girl who has several artificial teeth (that been attached to the jaw in surgery), and meeting a girl who has several artificial teeth that she take out of her mouth each night, and put in a glass of water until the morning… the end result is the same, when you meet her you feel no difference, but just the knowledge of her not being attached to some of her teeth at night is enough for some to rule this girl out, or at least to feel some discomfort around her...

On the other hand, what is the alternative for that poor girl (the one that put the teeth in the glass at night), is it better for her not to put the teeth at all (assuming surgery is impossible at her situation), and appear with a bad mouth in public ?, this will be the honest thing to do if she never wants to "scam" anyone, but she will look bad, and her life will be worse… I can understand society for not fully liking what she does, but I can understand her too for what she’s doing… she’s doing what’s best for her, and it’s not necessarily what’s best for society.

 

[Peter_mac]

So at the end it's an honesty problem. In order for the illusion to work well for the wearer (and for him to get the maximum benefit out of the illusion), people should not know the truth, but once they don't know the truth, he compromised his honesty. He can do some things to keep the compromise to the minimum (authentic look, no show off), but the problem can not be eliminated completely.

For me, It seems it all comes down to this, what do I prefer, to compromise my honesty, or compromise my looks. If I compromise my honesty, it won't necessarilty backfire at me, it's a gamble, if I'll play it good the odds might be on my side, on the other hand, they say don't do the crime if you can't do the time, and I don't think I can do the time (being spotted). If I compromise my looks, it will backfire at me for sure, it is backfiring for the last couple of years non stop, and the damage will only become worse as the hair keeps falling, I'm not sure I can do this "time" either.

What a fuking conflict...

 

[s.a.f]

Joe public dislikes bald guys but really dislikes guys who try to do something about it. You're damned if you do and damned if you dont.

As far as hair transplant vs Wig goes.... I would'nt say a hair transplant is by any means socially acceptable. But it is more accepted than the wig option simply because its your own real growing hair, part of you and permanantly attached. Yes you've cheated nature to achieve the look but you've used your own hair to do it.

Whearas the hairpiece wearer is still a bald guy just hiding underneath a foriegn object, and at the end of the day (when he takes it off and becomes the bald man again) that object is false its not really a part of him.

Either way you're right it does make a statement about insecurity and thats something that we males are not supposed to feel.

 

[Guest]

I am in the process of producing a Full Cap DVD. I openly wear. Most of my friends know, and it doesn't matter because in a few weeks my face will be all over the internet, so I have been through the entire psychogical aspect of this game.

Why do people attach a stigma to hairpieces?

- They themselves don't have the balls to say "Society be damned! I know I look good and that's all that matters!"

- They think the wind can blow it off or it will hit the floor if you bend over too far

- They have NO idea the realism that can be achieved and think that you will be attaching a ridiculous looking coon pelt to your head

- They think it is "gross" to have another persons hair glued to your scalp

Most of the stigma revolves around ignorance. If the majority of people knew that a hairpiece today can look and feel natural and that it isn't going to go flying out the car window when you try to get some fresh air, they wouldn't be so judgmental.

It isn't just hairpieces. Small minded people judge a lot of things unfairly. 20 years ago there was somewhat of a stigma attached to boob jobs. Today everyone has them. Both of my sisters do. Good for them.

My solution has been to be open about it. People generally look at YOU to see how YOU feel about it. If you are insecure, they judge you as such. If you are matter of fact about it, there is no fuel to start the fire, and they will generally accept it.

 

[Peter_mac]

Most of the stigma revolves around ignorance. If the majority of people knew that a hairpiece today can look and feel natural and that it isn't going to go flying out the car window when you try to get some fresh air, they wouldn't be so judgmental.

I'm not sure I want them to get out of their ignorance. Yes, their ignorance is what makes me think so much before doing the did. But, after doing the did, their ignorance is exactly the thing that should keep me under their radar.

 

[mulder]

I don't think it's necessarily dishonest to wear a hairpiece but you're right on some level....you're not being completely open when you're wearing. If you deliberately lie about it then you are being dishonest, but 99% of the time it won't come up. There's different levels of dishonesty- do you disclose everything about yourself to someone even if you know they'll find it interesting and relevant in some way? No, this is natural, on some level this is being 'dishonest' but you have a right to your privacy as well- that isn't the same thing as outright lying.

I think the real problem arises when someone can tell you're wearing...that's when they'll feel uncomfortable.
People can also be assholes as well, and may have the urge to tear you down if they know you wear.
Both problems can be avoided by making it as realistic as possible. The first problem can also be lessened by having some confidence and keeping your cool...i.e. you can damp down the discomfort by behaving in a clam, forthright and friendly way. The second problem can also be lessened by not being an a**h** yourself or flaunting your hair.

Most people don't wear because they have a very unrealistic image what they look and feel like, or it's too much effort and/or too unconventional. If you look and feel a lot better about yourself then I think it's worth it, but it isn't for most...most people are better off shaving or just cutting their hair very short. Personally I would only recommend it if you feel you look MUCH better with hair and are willing to put the effort in and try it out for several months at least, and not just use it expecting no hassle and a small confidence boost or slight 'edge'. I do think more people would do it if they weren't sheep but it will probably always be a solution for a minority.

 

[Peter_mac]

I don't think it's necessarily dishonest to wear a hairpiece but you're right on some level....you're not being completely open when you're wearing. If you deliberately lie about it then you are being dishonest, but 99% of the time it won't come up. There's different levels of dishonesty- do you disclose everything about yourself to someone even if you know they'll find it interesting and relevant in some way? No, this is natural, on some level this is being 'dishonest' but you have a right to your privacy as well- that isn't the same thing as outright lying.

Ok, let’s think of the transition day (the first day my co-workers see me with the hairpiece). My co-workers are all people I trust, I feel like I can tell my darkest secret to any of them and it will stay between us. Still, the first day I’ll come with the hairpiece, they’ll comment about my hair, and I simply don’t see myself saying to them anything other than it’s a combination of dye/new haircut/styling with gel. They see I have a full head of hair now, they’ll think something is wrong with me if I’ll tell them I switched to a hairpiece. So here, I’m starting with lies from the very start (only one of them will know, he will be my brother to the secret, he's bald too, but shaved his head, and very very secure of himself, looks excellent with a bald head. I haven't told him yet, but I'll feel real bad to lie to him too, he kept my secrets very well up to now).

I think the real problem arises when someone can tell you're wearing...that's when they'll feel uncomfortable.

Yes, I will have to make sure it looks real before I start with the lies.

People can also be assholes as well, and may have the urge to tear you down if they know you wear.

Definitely. In my profession I appear in front of crowds very often, last thing I need is for people to know I wear. It will spread like fire. Of course appearing bald is not an option either.

Personally I would only recommend it if you feel you look MUCH better with hair and are willing to put the effort in and try it out for several months at least, and not just use it expecting no hassle and a small confidence boost or slight 'edge'. I do think more people would do it if they weren't sheep but it will probably always be a solution for a minority.

I think wearing hair is for me. I’ve been obsessed with my hairloss since age 16, I’m driving to a different town every time I want to get a haircut, since I can’t have any other barber see my balding head (apart from the one who has been cutting my hair since I was born), I’m already paranoid about my hair because my comb-over can be ruined pretty easily with the wind and show my horribly balding head, I can’t let women touch my hair because of the same reason, and to top it all, a very close family member of mine is wearing hair, so I know a lot about the experience (she already told me in the past if things worsen for me I can always join her club, I didn't take her seriously at that time... it was like 6 months ago, how things change...).

 

[CCS]

Dishonesty:
1. You are not dishonest if you don't tell people stuff that is none of their business.
2. Even if they ask: "did you sleep with that woman last night?", simply saying "It is none of your business" means "yes" to them. Better to say "No". This is not unethical, since it is none of their business and they know it. Same if they ask about your hair, or if you are wearing underwear today.

Similar activities:
1. Some women wear makeup. The prettiest ones don't have to. But they don't look better just because they don't wear; they look better because their faces looks better. If the less gifted women could look that good, they would not wear makeup either. That is why they used to get upset when I (as a kid) said I hated how makeup looks on women. That was the best they thought they could look, and it hurt them to hear that just as much as it hurts bald men to hear their older peices look bad, when they are covering up hair transplant scars.
2. The woman with the false teeth is a perfect comparison to wearing hair. It is rediculous to expect her to tell anyone about it, and she has every right to slap any jerk who asks her if they are fake.

Why people are against toupes:
1. They don't want to put out the effor to get one themselves, and they don't want you getting an advantage over them.
2. They have hair, but it does not look as good as the toupe. They don't want to shave theirs, but are bothered you look better than them.
3. They don't know how good they can look. Or yours looks bad.
4. Women don't want to be impregnated by bald men, and think you are tricking them for trying.
5. They know you are more confindent with hair, and they can't use you as easily, so they must tear you down.

The important thing is to do it really good so you can change it fast, stay clean, and fool everyone. And if they do find out, keep on wearing it anyway if it makes you look better. People will judge you by how confident you act when confronted, not by the fact you are wearing. And you don't have to admit to it to show confidence. If they try to rip it off or make an issue of it, they are scum and you know it, and so should everyone else. Shrug them off if you can, and don't show any sign that they are getting you down. Just go home and see how you can improve it. Don't hang out with scum. They are no better than people who pull wigs off cancer kids or bald old women.

 

[Peter_mac]

CCS,

I've read many of your posts in the last couple of days, felt like some of them have been written by me. Welcome back. I feel we are going to be good friends

 

[treeshrew]

PM - if you had a girlfriend who didn't care about the baldness would you still feel inclined to wear?

I just don't see how you meet some girl wearing hair then have to break it to her you're really bald.

I guess some guys could pull that off - I'd rather just put all my cards on the table from the get go.

 

[Peter_mac]

PM - if you had a girlfriend who didn't care about the baldness would you still feel inclined to wear?

I just don't see how you meet some girl wearing hair then have to break it to her you're really bald.

I guess some guys could pull that off - I'd rather just put all my cards on the table from the get go.

Actually, some girl who looks not bad at all wants me, she wants me so bad she won't care what I'll do to my head. The thing is, even if I'll take her (I have reasons why not to), it won't matter, I want hair, look at Homer Simpson's face in your avatar, this is going to be me with a good hairpiece.

If I meet a new girl while wearing hair, I'll wait until she knows me better, I'll treat her really well, and at some point I'll tell her the truth about the hair. I'll tell her I'm very sensitive to aesthetics, I don't look as well without hair, and I always want to look the best I can. If the girl leaves me because of that, she wasn't worth a serious relationship anyway. I just need to make sure I've treated her really well, so she won't open her mouth about my "secret".

If I'll put my cards on the table from the get go (meaning appear bald), I will drastically reduce the chances to get a decent looking girl. It's not impossible, but my chances are much lower. I really don't look very well without hair, and my confidence without hair is pretty low.

 

[ali777]

I probably shouldn't say this in this particular thread, but why don't you just shave your hair or cut it very short and get on with your life? It bothers me that my hair doesn't look good anymore as well, but that's life.

About the philosophical thoughts: I guess it shouldn't matter if someone is wearing a wig. Women get breast enlargement operations, wear make up, etc. So, it should be acceptable for a man to wear a wig or get an hair transplant.

If I meet a new girl while wearing hair, I'll wait until she knows me better, I'll treat her really well, and at some point I'll tell her the truth about the hair. I'll tell her I'm very sensitive to aesthetics, I don't look as well without hair, and I always want to look the best I can. If the girl leaves me because of that, she wasn't worth a serious relationship anyway. I just need to make sure I've treated her really well, so she won't open her mouth about my "secret".

I actually don't agree with your line of thought here neither. I once had a girlfriend who had a big secret, which I found out only 6 months into our relationship. It didn't really affect me at the time, but it was something that would have an effect on us later in the future if we were to stay together. I knew it straight away that I wouldn't stay with her for too long.

When I meet someone, I want them to be who they appear to be. In the example I gave, at a certain level I felt cheated, I felt like I should have known from day one. On the other hand, it was sort of a personal thing that you wouldn't tell anyone unless you were very close.

I also detect a bit of a contradiction in what you are saying. You want to use hair to lure women, but if she leaves you, she wasn't worth it? I'm not sure who is more hair conscious here...

 

[Peter_mac]

I probably shouldn't say this in this particular thread, but why don't you just shave your hair or cut it very short and get on with your life? It bothers me that my hair doesn't look good anymore as well, but that's life.

First of all, please say whatever you feel you need to say in this thread, the more opinions heard, the better.

Now, on a scale of 1-10 (where 1 is ugly and 10 is Brad Pit), with hair I think I’m about 7. Without hair, even though I haven’t tried, I give myself no more than 4. I find it very hard to accept the 4, when I know I can do something and be 7. Being young and single, I’m afraid of the 4. If I knew there is nothing I could do with my hair, I would have compromised and gone with that girl I’ve mentioned earlier, simply because I’m scared of my chances of finding something better as a 4.

I actually don't agree with your line of thought here neither. I once had a girlfriend who had a big secret, which I found out only 6 months into our relationship. It didn't really affect me at the time, but it was something that would have an effect on us later in the future if we were to stay together. I knew it straight away that I wouldn't stay with her for too long.

Are you talking about sterility ?, in any case, wearing hair doesn’t really affect your functionality, it’s just cosmetics. This is why there is no contradiction, maybe I lure women with hair, but it’s not like after I have the woman I remove the wig and stay bald, I keep the wig on. If the woman decides that because the hair is not growing out of my own follicles, rather out of lace, she needs to dump me, she is not the right woman for a serious relationship, and it’s better to know this now, and not later after you’re married to her and you lose a finger and she files for divorce.

 

[CCS]

PM - if you had a girlfriend who didn't care about the baldness would you still feel inclined to wear?

I just don't see how you meet some girl wearing hair then have to break it to her you're really bald.

I guess some guys could pull that off - I'd rather just put all my cards on the table from the get go.

Actually, some girl who looks not bad at all wants me, she wants me so bad she won't care what I'll do to my head. The thing is, even if I'll take her (I have reasons why not to), it won't matter, I want hair, look at Homer Simpson's face in your avatar, this is going to be me with a good hairpiece.

If I meet a new girl while wearing hair, I'll wait until she knows me better, I'll treat her really well, and at some point I'll tell her the truth about the hair. I'll tell her I'm very sensitive to aesthetics, I don't look as well without hair, and I always want to look the best I can. If the girl leaves me because of that, she wasn't worth a serious relationship anyway. I just need to make sure I've treated her really well, so she won't open her mouth about my "secret".

If I'll put my cards on the table from the get go (meaning appear bald), I will drastically reduce the chances to get a decent looking girl. It's not impossible, but my chances are much lower. I really don't look very well without hair, and my confidence without hair is pretty low.

Do not tell her ever. If she ever finds out, act like it is nothing and you just saw no reason to mention it.

Fact is, if you tell her, she has power over you. She can then manipulate you because you don't want her to tell people. Trust me. I loaned people money, and they had power over be because I had to put up with their abuse so they would pay me back.

As for break ups, people leave when they are not getting as much as they want. It is possible she will get attached enough to stay with you, but there is a good chance she will leave. It may be good to tell her before you fall in love though, so you are not hurt as bad if she does break up with you.

People don't fall in love because you are attractive. They fall in love because they get their hopes or believes up, which often requires that you be attractive. You fall in love with her if you imagine yourself married to her, and think she feels the same way. I don't think you can hide it forever, so maybe good to tell her sooner.

Here is my believe:

If you go for a woman who is as pretty as you with your piece, she will leave you if she knows about the piece.

If she is as good looking as you without your piece, she will definitely stay with you and even let you take it off now and then. But you want to do better.

If she is halfway between, she will stay with you with the piece, and fall in love with your looks because going up the scale gets her hopes up. But she may ask you to keep it on at all times.

My advice is that you go for the woman in the middle. Hair pieces can get you a prettier woman, but you should not go for one who is as pretty as you can get. Go half a notch lower so she will stay with you with the piece. But if you dump her later for getting fat, she will use the piece against you. Have a little fun with the hottest ones, but not long enough to get attached or for them to discover the piece.

 

[scorpiolove74]

I wanna wear hair because it will get me paid and laid.
lol if im lucky, I want the best girl money and time have to offer.
If wearing a hairpice means im insecure than so be it as long as I get paid and laid, its all good.
signed,
Just your average guy

 

[s.a.f]

Paid and laid? Are you a gigolo then?

 

[Peter_mac]

Here is my believe:

If you go for a woman who is as pretty as you with your piece, she will leave you if she knows about the piece.

If she is as good looking as you without your piece, she will definitely stay with you and even let you take it off now and then. But you want to do better.

If she is halfway between, she will stay with you with the piece, and fall in love with your looks because going up the scale gets her hopes up. But she may ask you to keep it on at all times.

I would have accepted what you’ve wrote if the main factor that dictates whether a woman will stay with you or not, is your natural attractiveness.

But, once a girl starts knowing you, she could discover you’re a wonderful person and very worthy of her love, so even if your looks is not fully natural, you still look very good, and other things in your character more than make up for the fact your hair isn’t real.

Again, I’ll speak about the girl that I’ve mentioned earlier (this is real, I’m not making that up). She looks better than me, she comes from a fine home (nice parents and no shortage of money), she is successful in her life… yet she wants me. She finds things in me, beyond looks, that she wants herself to have. I know that I can have such an effect on people, but in order for people to see it, they have to be near me, and sometimes without hair, it will be harder for me to be near them… (and I speak about women of course, not men). If you look good, they’ll want to be closer to you, once they’re closer to you, they can see the real you, and this can compensate for the wig.

Another example: a month and a half ago I met a girl, a pretty girl (24 years old), higher on the attractiveness scale than me (even though a decent looking haircut could have got me much closer to her). When she goes out at night, men stare at her, way way too much. We met each other at work. She just broke up with her boyfriend, after 2 years. Anyhow, I asked her if she wants to come to my place, she said yes (came to me several time), then I came to her place several times (there was no sex, but lots of touching). We went out a lot. All the time she told me nobody in her life has been so nice to her as me, she adored me. After each time we met she told me she had amazing time, and I felt it.

How did it end ?, two weeks ago she went to dance with a female friend. When she went out of the dance club, a guy came to her and gave her his phone number. Later she told me she just wants to stay friends with me and she doesn’t want me as her boyfriend. I saw how her new boyfriend looks, and he looks real good, of course has good looking hair. He treats her horribly, told her he’s busy and he can only see her at weekends, and he’s not going to call her during the week for more than 5 minutes, because he doesn’t believe in phone calls and SMS.

That girl had the nerve to tell me that she wants to keep going out with me, because she enjoys my company very much. I told her that I can’t be her friend anymore, since I’m not gay and it hurts too much. She broke my heart real bad.

She told me she wants to break up with him, but she still didn’t.

First of all this girl is superficial and doesn’t know what will make her happy in life. She was attracted to me, she had great fun with me, she adored me, but left me for someone who just looks better, that's it, apart from this he's nothing. but apart from that, I know that if I looked better she would have loved me to death. That’s the power of looks. She might have still dumped me if she found out I’m wearing a wig, but I’ve been so good to her, so she might have not. Oh, and btw, she told me her father suffered hairloss, and looked bad, but he got hair transplant and now looks much better (saw him, did a good job on him).

Funny thing is, our talk about hairloss went something like this: I told her that today it is possible to do almost anything to correct problems in appearance (not sure how we even got to that talk), she asked me what can’t we do yet, and I said, “don’t know, regarding hairloss we aren’t doing that greatâ€, then she told me that her father suffered hairloss, I asked her why didn't he just shave his head, she answered that without hair he doesn't look good so that wasn't an option. Then I asked, did he think about a wig ?, her answer was “no, he would never do something like thatâ€, which wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for, then she continued saying how he got hair transplant. The thing is, I think her reaction toward the wig came this way because she has no clue how convincing the results could be this day. Her father with a wig would have looked better than with his hair transplant.

I have to say that I was really close to the edge of doing something with my hair (for a lot of time now), but the thing with this girl just pushed me over the edge and smashed me on the floor. It's not just about the hair, it's being more attractive, but the hair is such an important factor still...

 

[person]

I am in the process of producing a Full Cap DVD. I openly wear. Most of my friends know, and it doesn't matter because in a few weeks my face will be all over the internet, so I have been through the entire psychogical aspect of this game.

You reckon you could do a 'topper' DVD as well please? I am a 19 year old male who is considering going down the wig route at some point. My biggest frustration is I don't understand how you put the damn thing on, i mean I realise there is a lace near the hairline you glue? But if you use a topper do you glue slightly in front of your own horseshoe hair? I'm sure once I have the info I will master it.

 

[CCS]

Again, I’ll speak about the girl that I’ve mentioned earlier (this is real, I’m not making that up). She looks better than me, she comes from a fine home (nice parents and no shortage of money), she is successful in her life… yet she wants me. She finds things in me, beyond looks, that she wants herself to have. I know that I can have such an effect on people, but in order for people to see it, they have to be near me, and sometimes without hair, it will be harder for me to be near them… (and I speak about women of course, not men). If you look good, they’ll want to be closer to you, once they’re closer to you, they can see the real you, and this can compensate for the wig.

Then why aren't you still with her?

Another example: a month and a half ago I met a girl, a pretty girl (24 years old), higher on the attractiveness scale than me (even though a decent looking haircut could have got me much closer to her). When she goes out at night, men stare at her, way way too much. We met each other at work. She just broke up with her boyfriend, after 2 years.

You are just the life raft. You never met her standards or had a chance. She does not like being without a guy to get something with. There is no saying she was faithful to her last boyfriend either. I know a woman who acts just like her, had a boyfriend of 4 years she kept breaking up with and getting back with, and she said bad things about him. She said bad things about me later too. Don't be so guilible.

Anyhow, I asked her if she wants to come to my place, she said yes (came to me several time), then I came to her place several times (there was no sex, but lots of touching). We went out a lot. All the time she told me nobody in her life has been so nice to her as me, she adored me. After each time we met she told me she had amazing time, and I felt it.

No sex, she does not like you. Sorry. She did just enough to "get you on the hook". The mystery method works not because women are attracted sexually, but because they must work harder to get the guy on the hook, just like men usually spend lots of money in hopes of getting a woman on the hook. You got hooked.

How did it end ?, two weeks ago she went to dance with a female friend. When she went out of the dance club, a guy came to her and gave her his phone number.

That was easy. Obviously you did not matter. And you were close to her.

Later she told me she just wants to stay friends with me and she doesn’t want me as her boyfriend

.

She wants the best of both. And the reason she'd even propose this to you is she thinks she has you on the hook already. You gave the signs and it is up. Like once you tell a car salesman you are willing to pay $2000, he will never take $1900. You held your ground later, but it is too late because she thinks you are bluffing. You might have gotten a bit more action from her had you made it look like you are not hooked, but could become hooked with a bit more action. But she'd only give the minimum to hook you, and would give up soon if she did not get the landslide she wanted.

I saw how her new boyfriend looks, and he looks real good, of course has good looking hair. He treats her horribly, told her he’s busy and he can only see her at weekends, and he’s not going to call her during the week for more than 5 minutes, because he doesn’t believe in phone calls and SMS.

This is another lie. There is a small chance he treats her bad. Maybe if he looks much better than her. But usually women will tell you they are single, or tell you they are treated bad, just so think you have a chance. Smart users know you don't fall in love because of their looks; you fall in love because you get your hopes up. They make you think you have a chance so you get hooked.
Mystery Method:
1. Establish an excuse for proximity so they can't assume you are interested.
2. Show implied success and confidence without hitting on them, so know you are not hooked or interested.
3. Let them try to hook you, while you appear unhooked.
4. Know they want to use you. It is a game of hidden negotiation and faking.
5. I'll skip a few steps, but your goal is to get them to want to hook you so they can use you, but make them they can hook you if they sleep with you, but that they will have the option of leaving or keeping you.
6. Never ask for sex or sympathy. This shows you are already hooked, so they don't have to give it, and it may show you don't have much to offer. Instead, make it look like you are unsure if you even want them, but are deciding. Do not make it look like you are reading for permission. Do 2 steps forwards, one step back. This shows them you are tasting and deciding, and assures them you won't grope or rape them the second they halfway give a greenlight.
7. Remember: smiles and flirting mean a woman wants you to want her, either to test you, or to hook you, but often not because she wants you, unless you are good looking.
8. Once you show you are hooked, it is impossible to negotiate with the mystery method. At that point, you have a few more chances if you actually do have money. But even someone with money can convince a woman he will pay forever and never require sex. You did a good thing by getting out of that situation.

That girl had the nerve to tell me that she wants to keep going out with me, because she enjoys my company very much. I told her that I can’t be her friend anymore, since I’m not gay and it hurts too much. She broke my heart real bad.

Good for you standing your ground. She just wants to use you and is lying about how much she likes you. She likes what she gets from you, but not your looks. Been there, done that. Take it from someone with experience. I've been used many times. It is a lot more pervase than you'd think. People use each other in many ways, but often don't view it as such. I asked a mechanic about my car today, for free, since I was at his house. Not as bad as what she did, but similar motivation.

She told me she wants to break up with him, but she still didn’t.

Calculated lie to lead you on.

First of all this girl is superficial and doesn’t know what will make her happy in life.

She knows what she wants. She wants the best of both worlds: you buying her dinner and good times, and his body. No indecisiveness here at all.

I know that if I looked better she would have loved me to death. That’s the power of looks.

Very true. Women want men who not only look better than them, but also spend money on them just as much as the uglier men do.

Do not believe for a minute the second woman liked you. She wanted to use you from the start. Had you negotiated right, with subtleness, you might have pulled on over on her instead. But you never would have got a relationship. Or if you had something she really wanted, you might have got one, but not as much sex as you want, and no fidelity, and constant psychological games. Once you fall in love, she'd control you. What she did was very classic.

Women either want you for sex(actions, though not necessarily), or they want to use you (flirty), or they don't even want to use you (bitchy), or they don't want to use you but are nice (polite).

A woman once explained it to me:
"If I have sex with him, he will expect it all the time." You'd have to hear the tone of voice and context to get my conclusion: She wanted to hook him with sex, but was afraid he'd just push for sex all the time and not give her what she wanted. So she dumped him. Had he seemed less pushy, she'd have done it once, only once, and taken his money. And if he gave money first, she would have never had sex at all.

When an average looking guy sits next to a pretty woman on a date, thinking about kissing her, and both are nervous, here is what they are thinking:
Guy: She looks nervous too. I just need to man up and make a move and be the hero.
(if he looked good, this would be true)
Woman: Ugh, he wants to kiss me. "How do I dodge this?" Or "I want to hook him with a kiss, but don't want it going further. How?"
If she looked smug instead of nervous, she is thinking "I got this guy hooked. I'm in control."
If she looked prudish and full of herself, she is thinking "He has nothing I want to use him for. No way am I letting him kiss me."

The more nervous you act, the more she thinks you want, and the more she knows you are waiting for her to give you the green light. Even ugly women will try to use you. Some women actually want sex though. I'll tell you more, but I got to get off the computer.