Nostalgia, what it does to me, and how I no longer love myse

[Aplunk1]

Forgive me, for these are the ramblings of a 21-year-old in a half-drunk/stupor state.

It's been a while since I've checked into these forums, what with the traveling and whatnot... one big city to the next.

I've been half-dosing my medicine, because I unfortunately lost a bottle, and my insurance won't cover lost bottles... What a shame. But this isn't the cause of this post.

With the slow withdrawl of my medicine, I awake into the reality of the world... a world of unemotional pain. Simply, the symptoms of my depression have cleared with medicinal therpay, but the depresion is still there.

Cutting all the sh*t and down to the point...


Man, I just can't believe what an awakening I've had... Simply half-dosing my medicine I feel more human, less Zombie-like, and more alive... but with that, I feel just like my old self again... slow, depressed, edgy, very anxious, and registered to my environment.

Guys, I don't know why, but I truly haven't felt good, TRULY FELT proud of myself, since I started losing hair... I mean, the pictures on my website don't do ANY justice... It's truly really thin...


I think back to the many days, of going on a first date with a wonderful girl to go see EuroTrip, with a full head of curly hair... Man, all wanted to do was enjoy the moment, and that's what I did. I really did. I loved myself, I thought highly of my friends and family, and I was proud of the accomplishments I had, physically and mentally.

I can tell you all that THAT has really changed.

Sure, I give myself medicine to help relieve the symptoms of the the WAY I FEEL... but it's still there, deep down inside... I am still extremely depressed and unhappy with myself.

I realize the person that is me is being repressed, that I have not had an endearing thought unto myself in ages... at least 2 or so years.

Losing my hair has HONEST-TO-GOD really influenced every single behavior I've ever had. I ask God everyday why I suffer, and I still don't know. I don't even know why I'm crying right now.

I know that losing your hair CANNOT be compared to losing a limb, or being shot, or having something physically removed from your body, but being 21 and having this prematurely occur to myself has been, for lack of ANY better word, excruciatingly painful and depressing.

In other news, I'm excited to begin a God-given opportunity to attend a wonderful college for a great degree in NYC.

What's to become of me, my friends?

Hear my suffering, and comment.

What do you guys suggest?




God knows I'm trying... really, really, really hard, guys.

 

[Guest]

Dude, Aplunk, your hair really doesn't look that bad. A lot of people on here have told you that and I know it's hard for you to believe it, but it is really the truth. You are nowhere close to being a NW5.

Nw2.

 

[H/B]

Two words Aplunk. "Cognitive Therepy", you need it brother because you are your own worst enemy. You have a chance to make something of your self. If there is a flame of hope, Aplunk makes a mad dash to piss it out.
Its more of what is going on in your head than what is growing on top of it. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you will heal and live prosperously.

 

[Guest]

Nostalgia

Aplunk 1, just by the title of your post makes me understand that you are viewing your rapidly impending baldness in a way that will only continue to torment you. I know exactly how you feel, as I'm now 40, and started my journey into bald-hell at the age of 17. It's alot of fun, becoming a chromedome in your senior year of high school. Lots of helpful friends are more than happy to point this fact out; usually in a crowded room, at the top of their lungs. Joyfull laughter follows, bringing a warm(and humiliating) red glow to your face! But you must eventually come accept that there is no cure for baldness; only con artists preying on your shame, which will result in finding yourself wearing a remnant of 1970s shag carpeting glued on your pate. Hard to accept, I know, but your days of boyish, youthfull hair are over. Now is the time to focus on looking the best you can be, as a bald man. If I did it, so can you. Believe it or not, your life is really just starting. Baldness can be an asset. Its your choice.[/b]

 

[Felk]

Meditation

Music

A perspective change (travelling, volunteer work, etc. dead serious.)

These would all be helpful.

Apart from that, in complete seriousness with no offence intended, cognitive therapy for obsessive compulsive behaviour. I'm not trying to be rude here, i'm honestly just trying to help. I can say, as i was an OCD sufferer when i was little, that these bad habits in your way of thinking can be almost impossible to beat from within your own head. You need someone else's opinion. Telling other people, such as your friends or these forums is a good step, but a professional would be the best.

Many people don't know that "percieved ugliness," not just anxiety, stress, irrational worry, is a very common symptom of OCD.

I am intending on seeking such help at some stage, as Im sure i have some OCD obsessions (never had compulsions) still.

 

[ginald]

aplunk1,

if every other young man lost their hair in their teens, you would not be bothered in the slightest.

it is because we continually compare ourselves with others that we give ourselves torment.

man is a spiritual being and the more we try to veer away from that fact, the harder we get pulled back into having to discover that.

put simply, you are here to learn and the tasks you are set are not easy....living 'right' is not easy.

right now you know what task you have been set...it's a whopper but you will prevail.

you are really struggling with this as witnessed by your 2000+ posts.

no doubt you will continue to struggle with this for a while.

as you do so, you will learn about yourself, about life, about others.

you'll face other challenges as well as you mature....find pleasure in the things you enjoy-life's not supposed to be one long grind but it is designed to be testing as you're finding out.

end of sermon.

incidentally i know you wont believe me but your hair looks fine to me.

 

[Solo]

Aplunk, my friend, you´r a super hero!!! You´r in college right now with a chance to show your possibilities and lots of people to meet and new things to experience!!


Who wants to keep up with bullshit righ now??.

 

[Aplunk1]

Jayman,
thank you, but it's a bit different in reality... Having thinning hair for the rest of my life is something I can look forward to now. Although I may not be a NW5, my brother is a Norwood 4, getting progressively worse, and he is only 3 years older than myself. I will soon join him.

H/B,
Sure, I need this, I need that... Why must I go to therapy when the problem does not lay within me? Baldness is PROVEN to have psycholigical ramifications on most individuals... In fact, most men change their careers BECAUSE of hair loss. You're right, I no longer love myself, but try desperately to continue in this life, although I grow weaker in many ways, on a daily basis.

Dukshyboy,
I'm glad you commented. You seemed to have pinpointed my exact situation. Yes, I have been getting some rude comments at the most socially awkward times in the last 2 years+ My days of boyish, youthful hair are over? Why, man? Why must God make me suffer? I feel like I give so much to this world, and have given many my trust, even to complete strangers. I honestly don't see myself loving myself as a bald man... I witness my grandfather, who has been bald for the last 40 years, and still gets comments every single day from his wife and friends... I don't look forward to this, and the nostalgia of having great hair around 2 years ago is killing me inside... (Thank you, by the way, for your post.)

Felk,
I'm considering finding a nearby church, and maybe joining a singles' club, or who-knows-what club. I listen to music, and it provides a temporary escape from this world, but when that songs over, then I bombard myself with all of these problems. I don't feel like I need therapy... In fact, I cannot afford therapy. Really. You're right, though, I constantly perceive myself as "ugly" everytime I look in the mirror. There's no escaping that.

Ginald,
thank you, my friend. I also feel like I have been appointed a great task, but my goal is not ascertained at this moment. I am, indeed, struggling, but remain sure of myself that I will prevail over this goal... but I know that, at the end of this endeavor, I will still be bald. That's an asset that has been taken away from me, against my will, against all pharmaceauticals.

Solo,
thank you, my friend, I always look forward to reading your posts. Super hero? Heh, I wish. I'm working hard to meet some friends here, but the mere fact of balding still lowers my confidence in front of these people. You're right though, someway I have to get rid of the bullshit and get back on track.

Everyone else who has taken the time and consideration to read my aforementioned posts, please offer me your thoughts... I am in great need. I look at my older brother, who has hardly been a big brother to me, and his confidence has been shot to sub-par, even below that. His baldness has ultimately made him subside into thick, unloving depression and anxiety... He almost refuses to leave his apartment unless he's going to class, or has something of great importance to do.

I am so angry, lonely, and emotionally unhinged because of this baldness thing. I have no recourse, except for a hair transplant (yes, my own mother recommended this to me), and even then I'll still probably be unhappy... and maybe after getting a hair transplant, I'll be alone, without anybody, for the rest of my life.

Enough venting.

 

[dcampbell15]

Re: Nostalgia, what it does to me, and how I no longer love

Forgive me, for these are the ramblings of a 21-year-old in a half-drunk/stupor state.

It's been a while since I've checked into these forums, what with the traveling and whatnot... one big city to the next.

I've been half-dosing my medicine, because I unfortunately lost a bottle, and my insurance won't cover lost bottles... What a shame. But this isn't the cause of this post.

With the slow withdrawl of my medicine, I awake into the reality of the world... a world of unemotional pain. Simply, the symptoms of my depression have cleared with medicinal therpay, but the depresion is still there.

Cutting all the $#iT and down to the point...


Man, I just can't believe what an awakening I've had... Simply half-dosing my medicine I feel more human, less Zombie-like, and more alive... but with that, I feel just like my old self again... slow, depressed, edgy, very anxious, and registered to my environment.

Guys, I don't know why, but I truly haven't felt good, TRULY FELT proud of myself, since I started losing hair... I mean, the pictures on my website don't do ANY justice... It's truly really thin...


I think back to the many days, of going on a first date with a wonderful girl to go see EuroTrip, with a full head of curly hair... Man, all wanted to do was enjoy the moment, and that's what I did. I really did. I loved myself, I thought highly of my friends and family, and I was proud of the accomplishments I had, physically and mentally.

I can tell you all that THAT has really changed.

Sure, I give myself medicine to help relieve the symptoms of the the WAY I FEEL... but it's still there, deep down inside... I am still extremely depressed and unhappy with myself.

I realize the person that is me is being repressed, that I have not had an endearing thought unto myself in ages... at least 2 or so years.

Losing my hair has HONEST-TO-GOD really influenced every single behavior I've ever had. I ask God everyday why I suffer, and I still don't know. I don't even know why I'm crying right now.

I know that losing your hair CANNOT be compared to losing a limb, or being shot, or having something physically removed from your body, but being 21 and having this prematurely occur to myself has been, for lack of ANY better word, excruciatingly painful and depressing.

In other news, I'm excited to begin a God-given opportunity to attend a wonderful college for a great degree in NYC.

What's to become of me, my friends?

Hear my suffering, and comment.

What do you guys suggest?




God knows I'm trying... really, really, really hard, guys.

Stop complaining all the time would be a good start. You whine like a woman.

 

[IBM]

.

 

[lnknstyl]

I don't get you guys...all you do is complain. Either except yourself as losing all your hair...go the shaved route and look like a cueball the rest of your life, or do something about it. Look, there are basically three options: hairsystems, hair transplant or HM in the future. The previous guy who keeps blasting rugs reminds me of someone who constantly whined and complained, and then one day decided enough is enough. So what does he do? He goes straight to the closest "rug" shop (advertised on the local radio), without doing any research, and allows the salesman to glue a squirrel on his head. I bet that this person has been to HCM...I've seen a few of their clients and they do look rediculous, until they finally do their research, and realize there are much better options out there. "Rugs" are not made in the same manner as the 70's, and now there are all-lace, european hair units that are totally undetectable to sight and touch...if some effort is imparted by the wearer in maintenance,etc. Just take a look at the pics on coolpiece.com or toplace.com to see what the final product can look like. Or you could choose a hair transplant if you have the money, but in my opinion this does not give you back all your hair.

 

[IBM]

.

 

[H/B]

Aplunk wrote: " H/B,
Sure, I need this, I need that... Why must I go to therapy when the problem does not lay within me? Baldness is PROVEN to have psycholigical ramifications on most individuals... In fact, most men change their careers BECAUSE of hair loss. You're right, I no longer love myself, but try desperately to continue in this life, although I grow weaker in many ways, on a daily basis."

But it does. No doubt hairloss is devasting , but in the end it up to you how long you are going to let it devastate you.

"In fact, most men change their careers BECAUSE of hair loss." Yeah, all between your ears. Do you realize how incredibly obsurd this statement is? Were you planning on having a career like Fabio or something.

Aplunk, your beating your self up over something you have no control. That is not sound. Cut you self a break man, you are not junk becuase of thinning hair.

when you learn to live life on lifes terms, you will be successful. You can not do it alone. clearly, left to your own devices you are a defeated man. I will pray for you.

 

[htownballa]

Is the finasteride/dutasteride not helping u aplunk?

 

[hairwegoagain]

western girls dont like asian bald man. i only think about girls.

So find yourself an Asian girl then. You can not force someone to be attracted to you. There is no wrong nor right to it. Either someone is, or she isn't. Move on. Stop stewing about it.

Do you work for IBM? I did. Palmisano has to go. My EPP shares are dead money.

 

[hairwegoagain]

Aplunk,

You're just hitting a low point. It will pass. Please do reflect on all you've accomplished over the past few months. Seriously, you've made some very life-changing strides for the better. Picking yourself up and moving across the country takes balls. Enrolling back in school takes balls. You need to be proud of yourself. I for one am proud of you. You are the type of guy who will go places in life...I mean that. You've pulled yourself up by your bootstraps and gotten on with business. That's a very admirable trait and I am certain your success will only grow. You just have to weather these bumps. This will all pay off, believe me.

Don't allow these little emotional hiccups to get you off-track. You, my friend, are destined for much success in life.

Sincerely,

Hairwegoagain

 

[coolerking]

I know how you're feeling aplunk. Losing hair young sucks, plain and simple. I know there are a things that are life threating, debilitating, and other conditions thats are a million times worse but to live a good life, to be a good person, to feel like you're on top of the world one day and have to suddenly face hairloss slap in the face by fate. It's not like it's external, you can't blame anyone or anything. You can't even really stop it. It consumes you. I definitly think its changed my entire personality and It's not like I can just flip a switch to be ok with it. Everyone who's postive about it just says, "hey it's out of your control so just deal with it and move on". Thats exactly what kills me about it. Everything comes down to your own perception about it. I could find the hottest girl in the world and even if she went for me it would still bother me. To look in the mirror and feel like you're not looking at yourself is terrible, especially when it's because "it was destined in your genes". I don't blame aplunk for getting down. I feel like we all do sometimes, you're in denial if you're on this webpage and you think you're ok with losing your hair. As random as this sounds, what helps me is the philosophy of Stoics like Marcus Aurelius: things could always be worse. I don't think I'll ever be completely ok with hairloss but I'm much more ok with being a healthy, smart individual with hairloss than something worse

 

[Aplunk1]

Hairwegoagain,
thank you for your kind words. I really am encouraged, and I every word you said was true. I realize that this is an emotional hiccup, and you're right: I'm not going to let it get me down.

I'm going to finish this f*****g degree, and after 3 more years of schooling, I'll finally be done.

Thank you again


CoolerKing,
I'm glad you can relate to me. I'm sure that all guys, whether or not they admit to it, have a problem with losing their hair. I'm glad you commented, and what you said is true and real. You're right about one thing-- it's better to be healthy, smart, and bald, than it is to be something much worse...

HTown,
which H-town are you from? Yeah, I think dutasteride is helping me, although I've been shedding non-stop from month 5 and going strong.

 

[hairwegoagain]

It consumes you. I definitly think its changed my entire personality and It's not like I can just flip a switch to be ok with it. Everyone who's postive about it just says, "hey it's out of your control so just deal with it and move on". Thats exactly what kills me about it. Everything comes down to your own perception about it. I could find the hottest girl in the world and even if she went for me it would still bother me. To look in the mirror and feel like you're not looking at yourself is terrible, especially when it's because "it was destined in your genes". I don't blame aplunk for getting down. I feel like we all do sometimes, you're in denial if you're on this webpage and you think you're ok with losing your hair. As random as this sounds, what helps me is the philosophy of Stoics like Marcus Aurelius: things could always be worse. I don't think I'll ever be completely ok with hairloss but I'm much more ok with being a healthy, smart individual with hairloss than something worse

Coolerking,

Yes, you're right. Everyone on this site is bothered by hairloss...that includes me. However, you do have to moderate things. I don't like hairloss, but it does not consume me. I don't like paying $3/gallon for gas, but it does not consume me. I don't like eating my vegetables, but I accept that I must!

You hit the nail on the head. It IS all about perception. Sadly, hairloss sufferers are almost always themselves their sole critic. A war is being fought in your head - and there are seldom R&R passes. That brings us to your other thoughtful point. It IS caused by genetics. No amount of anger will change that fact. No amount of bitterness will regrow your hair. No level of pouting will get you girls. There eventually comes a point when you MUST concede that you're doing what you can, recognizing that further worry is damaging to your life. It's that damage, not your lack of hair, that tells you not go out with your buddies, not go for that job, not leave your apartment, not talk to girls.

 

[Felk]

As random as this sounds, what helps me is the philosophy of Stoics like Marcus Aurelius: things could always be worse.

What a great man! The Meditations is one of my favourite works of any philosopher.