I Don’t Think I’ll Be Able To Move On

justinbieberscombover

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I imagine everyone wants people to be physically attracted to them, but that's not what's most important. Physical beauty fades in all of us. The most beautiful people will one day be ugly. Does that mean they stop being happy?
I don't know about you, but I'm planning to be one of the most handsome gentlemen in the retirement home.
 

corkmeister

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@Wolf Pack
CBT didn't work for me because it's simply ridiculous to me, I'm out there going with a notebook trying to change my thoughts, but why? I know I'm not wrong about that, why try to think differently? why lie to myself? everytime I came up to my therapist with a situation that made me feel bad, yes I'm supposed to write what happened, how it made me feel, then add few more columns of "what other reasons could have triggered that situation" instead of the reason I think about, and how those other reasons make me feel, basically trying to alter my negative thinking with a more positive one by writing these stuff over and over again, but there is no point for this because I KNOW that the "negative" reason is the REAL reason. and writing lies did not make me feel better, I just knew it's bullshit.
I'm way too far gone for CBT to work on me, perhaps if I drug the crap out of myself with anti-depressants and all that, but again I'm not gonna risk making my looks worse and worse, it will just feed on my bdd.


that pic you saw of me that you think I was more than fine to date, was an old pic where I had way more hair, now I have way less, you said in my pics my hair was unkempt, it was only to show you my hair loss, I do brush my hair and all that but it always looks like sh*t anyway, I no longer have a way to style it, just to brush it forward to hide all the hair loss.
even in that pic of me you thought was "fine", I was still unattractive to girls. so it doesn't matter. my looks only go worse as I age, there isn't gonna be a way up from where I'm at, only down.


and yes bdd will consume me but I'm already consumed tho, I'm pretty sure I'm at the bottom or close to it, there is no solution to it. and I believe my bdd is only natural, it didn't come out of nowhere, it came out because of all the physical flaws I have, and I have so many. most people have 1-3, I have over 10. real flaws. not imaginable, I'm not delusional for good or bad.

I doubt I'll convince you but maybe it'll give you some perspective. I used to suffer from crippling anxiety disorder, including body image issues. I was so afraid of going outside because I was literally convinced that people were laughing at me because I looked weird and ugly.

I can tell you that CBT absolutely turned my life around. I recognize what you're saying: you're skeptical because you think it means deluding yourself, but that's not how it works (or has to work, rather). You're convinced that the thoughts you're having are 100% rational. I used to think the same thing. They're not, though, even if they have a core of truth to them.

It's the way that you process and deal with those thoughts that matter. That's where your irrationality lies. I'm sure your therapist has told you this, but your emotions are driven by your thoughts rather than the other way around. Make no mistake: I haven't deluded myself into thinking I'm attractive. Far from it. I just don't care about it as much anymore, or at least not in the same way. Obviously, I'm here on hair loss forums taking extreme measures because my hair is important to me, so that matters to me a great deal. But I don't let issues like that completely take over my life and make me anxious, depressed and ultimately very unhappy. I've gotten into art, which gives me immense fulfillment. I've found a part-time job, which gives me a lot of free time to spend with my girlfriend, lift weights, and the ability to enjoy the little things in life. I still have those same thoughts, but I just process them very differently. And it's extremely liberating.

You've fallen into the trap where you think anyone who deals with these issues in a healthy way is 'bluepilled' or deluded. You are correct insofar that some men certainly are completely deluded (just be confident bro), but I've personally found that the whole red pill (or in your case, black pill) philosophy is equally delusional and detached from reality. It's too much to get into here, but I've found time and time again that those philosophies simply do not line up with the real world. This happened once I opened myself up to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, the thoughts I was having weren't 100% rational and correct.

So, what are you going to do? Are you going to lay down and rot, and let it consume the rest of your life? Or are you going to work on yourself and make the most out of your life? You don't need good looks or money to be happy and live a fulfilling life. And don't think for a second that good looking or rich people are automatically happy. Does it help? Sure. But my experience has also been that people focused on material gain actually tend to be unhappy, and the same goes for people hyper-focused on their looks (even if they are attractive). The world (and the women/people in it) aren't as black and white as you think they are.

Do with it what you will, but I just wanted to let you know that I was in your position, did something about it, and feel much better because of it.
 
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Wolf Pack

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I doubt I'll convince you but maybe it'll give you some perspective. I used to suffer from crippling anxiety disorder, including body image issues. I was so afraid of going outside because I was literally convinced that people were laughing at me because I looked weird and ugly.

I can tell you that CBT absolutely turned my life around. I recognize what you're saying: you're skeptical because you think it means deluding yourself, but that's not how it works (or has to work, rather). You're convinced that the thoughts you're having are 100% rational. I used to think the same thing. They're not, though, even if they have a core of truth to them.

It's the way that you process and deal with those thoughts that matter. That's where your irrationality lies. I'm sure your therapist has told you this, but your emotions are driven by your thoughts rather than the other way around. Make no mistake: I haven't deluded myself into thinking I'm attractive. Far from it. I just don't care about it as much anymore, or at least not in the same way. Obviously, I'm here on hair loss forums taking extreme measures because my hair is important to me, so that matters to me a great deal. But I don't let issues like that completely take over my life and make me anxious, depressed and ultimately very unhappy. I've gotten into art, which gives me immense fulfillment. I've found a part-time job, which gives me a lot of free time to spend with my girlfriend, lift weights, and the ability to enjoy the little things in life. I still have those same thoughts, but I just process them very differently. And it's extremely liberating.

You've fallen into the trap where you think anyone who deals with these issues in a healthy way is 'bluepilled' or deluded. You are correct insofar that some men certainly are completely deluded (just be confident bro), but I've personally found that the whole red pill (or in your case, black pill) philosophy is equally delusional and detached from reality. It's too much to get into here, but I've found time and time again that those philosophies simply do not line up with the real world. This happened once I opened myself up to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, the thoughts I was having weren't 100% rational and correct.

So, what are you going to do? Are you going to lay down and rot, and let it consume the rest of your life? Or are you going to work on yourself and make the most out of your life? You don't need good looks or money to be happy and live a fulfilling life. And don't think for a second that good looking or rich people are automatically happy. Does it help? Sure. But my experience has also been that people focused on material gain actually tend to be unhappy, and the same goes for people hyper-focused on their looks (even if they are attractive). The world (and the women/people in it) aren't as black and white as you think they are.

Do with it what you will, but I just wanted to let you know that I was in your position, did something about it, and feel much better because of it.


Cracking post, I'm very happy for you. This is exactly what a successful patient would say. It takes two to tango, not just what the therapist says but what the patient then executes in the long run. It sounds like you're out of that horrible corner but also you're still taking care of yourself and developing yourself in many ways. That's the whole point of CBT. I don't blame @Haironnu for not seeing this right now. When you're on the other side it's hard to image being in a state other than this but one day you may be ready for it.

@Wolf Pack

again those average/ugly men you talk about that go on with their lives perfectly fine and have relationships are absolutely blue pilled af and are clueless to any of this, do you really think those guys believe their spouse is not physically attracted to them or have any idea about the "red pill world"? they have no clue, if they believed their spouses were not really into them (physically) most of them would fall to depression as well.
the guys you talk about are the same guys that still believe confidence is the key man. just blind people.

Not true man, not in every case. I've had many drunken chats over the years and quite a few guys have come out with insecurities especially in relation to other guys. Some of them even may have mild depression in relation to it but nothing that consumes them. Overall, they have grown to accept themselves. We'll just have to agree to disagree on this.

I've had a girlfriend years ago that were way out of my league, back when I was blue pilled too, and guess how it ended? I'm not proud of what I'm about to say but I met her online in a game and catfished her for awhile, eventually the guilt crept up on me and I just told her the truth one day and we stopped talking for a little over half a year, but then she contacted me and we got back to talking and eventually became a couple (no lies or catfishing this time), she gave me a chance because she had feelings for me, that lasted for about 2-3 years. guess how it ended? she ended up dumping me eventually because she "grew out of love", and without any physical attraction there was nothing to hold on to.

at the beginning of out relationship there was a lot of sex and passion, and then it died out, on her side,

Sorry to hear that haironnu. You know, maybe this story from your younger years is subconsciously playing a role in all this. She was out of your league in looks but the relationship could have ended for many reasons. She had already chosen you and it wasn't pity. It shows she liked you overall, physically too. Actually most girls who become invested in a guy never leave even if you push them out, even if you become a c*** or a tubby. It could be because you lost interest too (didn't treat her the way she wanted to be treated) or maybe it was her. Some younger girls want to explore first before settling. Get yourself out there and make yourself feel better and develop a happier life. Groom well, lose weight (I know it's your obstacle), try to hit on girls you know or places you hang at, someone may make you happy again. Lots of pretty girls are not even on Tinder and already found their bf . Tinder should only come if you can't meet someone naturally imo, as it's full of pretty girls who may be just there for attention or desperate discarded girls. The latter will have some hiccups; emotional baggage or looks. I mean you could try both together (real life and tinder).

@pegasus2 said she was simply horny and loyal (during the period where she showed me lots of affection and put out a lot), not that she was ever physically attracted to me.

I remember that we had a conversation once where I asked her if I had shown her myself right at the beginning would she had given me a chance? and she straight up said no, which means hat chance only came because I catfished her to develop feelings for me.

Sounds like she just wanted you to know she was better looking than you for reasons of pride. Yet overall she fell for you, so that means your looks are enough to an extent, even with a pretty girl.

what I'm trying to say is, being emotionally attracted and physically attracted is 2 different things, so knowing that the vast majority of women out there will not be physically attracted to me, why even bother?

They are distinct yes but you're not ugly so you can have both, you won't see it until you sort yourself out and also get a nice girl.

most men are simply unaware of this, that's why they cope in life. they think their girls are really into them. but no, they are "into" them because of emotions/money/statues, you name it.
but once that is gone their women will be gone too because there is no physical attraction.


yes women crave sex just as much as men, but with a physically attractive guy, not an average/ugly one. the only difference is that males are biologically designed to spread their semen as much as possible and as with many females are possible while females are designed to crave the most alpha male out there for the maximum possibility of healthy offsprings (that's why prominent jawlines, sculpted faces and other masculine treats are more attractive to women because it indicates healthier levels of testosterone among other male hormones), it's all nature.
so end of day men can go with lower standards if horny while women keep their standards high more often and almost all the time. they settle down for other reasons (money and so on) with men they are not/less attracted to, and that's why these men get less sex, that's all. they just don't know it because they are blue pilled, if they knew it they too would be down af and less motivated to bother with women.


CBT didn't work for me because it's simply ridiculous to me, I'm out there going with a notebook trying to change my thoughts, but why? I know I'm not wrong about that, why try to think differently? why lie to myself? everytime I came up to my therapist with a situation that made me feel bad, yes I'm supposed to write what happened, how it made me feel, then add few more columns of "what other reasons could have triggered that situation" instead of the reason I think about, and how those other reasons make me feel, basically trying to alter my negative thinking with a more positive one by writing these stuff over and over again, but there is no point for this because I KNOW that the "negative" reason is the REAL reason. and writing lies did not make me feel better, I just knew it's bullshit.
I'm way too far gone for CBT to work on me, perhaps if I drug the crap out of myself with anti-depressants and all that, but again I'm not gonna risk making my looks worse and worse, it will just feed on my bdd.


that pic you saw of me that you think I was more than fine to date, was an old pic where I had way more hair, now I have way less, you said in my pics my hair was unkempt, it was only to show you my hair loss, I do brush my hair and all that but it always looks like sh*t anyway, I no longer have a way to style it, just to brush it forward to hide all the hair loss.
even in that pic of me you thought was "fine", I was still unattractive to girls. so it doesn't matter. my looks only go worse as I age, there isn't gonna be a way up from where I'm at, only down.


and yes bdd will consume me but I'm already consumed tho, I'm pretty sure I'm at the bottom or close to it, there is no solution to it. and I believe my bdd is only natural, it didn't come out of nowhere, it came out because of all the physical flaws I have, and I have so many. most people have 1-3, I have over 10. real flaws. not imaginable, I'm not delusional for good or bad.

In one picture I saw (can't remember which); you had a lot of body hair, behind your neck, in front of your neck, huge unkempt beard and looks like you didn't have a haircut for ages. Add in the weight. I know you brush your hair but it's about overall style. I'm not being an *** but actually saying your facial structure itself is more than fine but you need to look appealing. When girls first see a guy they usually imagine early on being intimate with that guy - got to look cool, sharp and smell good. You lose the weight, dress well, keep that beard properly groomed and shave underneath it and around it, you have really thick hair for surgery and at least can maintain a transplanted buzz cut look....with all that and genuinely taking an interest in a girl in a normal and fun social way without being insecure and critical of yourself, you'll be fine. I hope you manage to control your BDD one day and realise your looks are more than good enough.
 

pegasus2

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Stop projecting dude! I'm not ugly, never will be!!

Why are people on this forum so dumb? I didn't say you were ugly. I was joking that all old people are ugly even if you're the sexiest one in the retirement home.
 

justinbieberscombover

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Why are people on this forum so dumb? I didn't say you were ugly. I was joking that all old people are ugly even if you're the sexiest one in the retirement home.
I couldn't have known that, but hey.. I'll work on my psychic abilities so we can interact better next time.
 

Matt3535

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Retiement homes are often plagued with huge problems of STDs. Guess why.
You will always want to look good. People will be nicer too you, do things for you, you will have more and better friends, and so on. It's really playing life with cheat codes.
 

karatekid

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I imagine everyone wants people to be physically attracted to them, but that's not what's most important. Physical beauty fades in all of us. The most beautiful people will one day be ugly. Does that mean they stop being happy?
The saying "Physical beauty isnt that important / most important because it fades eventually" that people keep saying to sound deep to other, is pretty stupid, I dont mean to offend.
Because as you probably agree, even personality change over time, (usually for worse, people become bitter and apathetic as they get older), the behavior changes, the health change, the wealth change, the love between people fade, and overall everything changes and fades over time, nothing stays forever. In todays world it is more likely that your love to your spouse will end before your beauty fade, since we all know what the divorce rates today.
So what does it mean? that nothing is important?

I understand if you dont put much weight on the appearance, but the fact it fades isnt really a reason.
 

pegasus2

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The saying "Physical beauty isnt that important / most important because it fades eventually" that people keep saying to sound deep to other, is pretty stupid, I dont mean to offend.
Because as you probably agree, even personality change over time, (usually for worse, people become bitter and apathetic as they get older), the behavior changes, the health change, the wealth change, the love between people fade, and overall everything changes and fades over time, nothing stays forever. In todays world it is more likely that your love to your spouse will end before your beauty fade, since we all know what the divorce rates today.
So what does it mean? that nothing is important?

I understand if you dont put much weight on the appearance, but the fact it fades isnt really a reason.

Dude, I'm just trying to tell the guy that he can still live a fulfilling life. Looks really aren't the most important thing in life. If you're ugly what are you supposed to do, sit around feeling sorry for yourself your whole life? Would that be smarter? I don't date ugly girls either, but if I was ugly I would date them before sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Just because the whole world is narcissistic today doesn't mean it has to be. There are older couples in my own family that are deeply in love even though they are both old and wrinkled now. Their love did not fade with their looks. From the boomers on to gen Z people are so selfish and only into themselves, that's why the divorce rates are high. Most of these people are leaving their ugly spouses for new ugly people because relationships are treated like a pair of sneakers now.
 

karatekid

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Dude, I'm just trying to tell the guy that he can still live a fulfilling life. Looks really aren't the most important thing in life. If you're ugly what are you supposed to do, sit around feeling sorry for yourself your whole life? Would that be smarter? I don't date ugly girls either, but if I was ugly I would date them before sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Just because the whole world is narcissistic today doesn't mean it has to be. There are older couples in my own family that are deeply in love even though they are both old and wrinkled now. Their love did not fade with their looks. From the boomers on to gen Z people are so selfish and only into themselves, that's why the divorce rates are high. Most of these people are leaving their ugly spouses for new ugly people because relationships are treated like a pair of sneakers now.
I wasnt referrering to your whole message or taking a side in the argument, I was just talking about that specific saying, because it is a common saying that people say, like it makes any sense. it is just wrong way of thought.
 

pegasus2

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I wasnt referrering to your whole message or taking a side in the argument, I was just talking about that specific saying, because it is a common saying that people say, like it makes any sense. it is just wrong way of thought.

No, it's a good way of thought. Like I said, how else are you supposed to think? Woah is me, I'm ugly and looks are all that matters so I might as well kill myself?
 

karatekid

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No, it's a good way of thought. Like I said, how else are you supposed to think? Woah is me, I'm ugly and looks are all that matters so I might as well kill myself?
Did you read what I wrote? Im talking about the saying that looks fade therefore shouldnt be considered when choosing partner. How is it related to someone pitting on himself and want to suicide?
There are lots of people that dont put weight on looks, either of themselves or of their spouse, so if someone ugly he should just look for someone like this, that's all. BUT IT'S NOT BECAUSE LOOKS FADES. IT'S NOT GOOD REASON. IT'S STUPID REASON.
If someone wants to encourage themselves with lies and irrational autosuggestion that's different thing tho
 

pegasus2

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Did you read what I wrote? Im talking about the saying that looks fade therefore shouldnt be considered when choosing partner. How is it related to someone pitting on himself and want to suicide?
There are lots of people that dont put weight on looks, either of themselves or of their spouse, so if someone ugly he should just look for someone like this, that's all. BUT IT'S NOT BECAUSE LOOKS FADES. IT'S NOT GOOD REASON. IT'S STUPID REASON.
If someone wants to encourage themselves with lies and irrational autosuggestion that's different thing tho

The saying doesn't mean looks shouldn't be considered when choosing a partner. It doesn't mean that at all. The common message of it is to be humble because your beauty will fade, it's who you are inside and what you do that will be with you forever.
 

Btg

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Hello everyone, sorry for the long post. I’m feeling low tonight.

For the past 5 years (Now 22) I’ve been focusing quite a lot on my career and I feel good about it. And now the results are starting to come.

The problem is, my life has gone steadily worse in a lot of areas over the years. By age 13 I had a girlfriend, life was looking good, started partying (typical chad style, I was kinda stupid back then), etc.

From age 14 to 19 my hair started to fall slowly, my body hair started to increase and my confidence got worse. By age 20 I couldn’t believe how “cool” my 14 years old self was compared to now.

Right now I’m heading to NW4, not in shape, doing laser hair removal on the back and shoulders hoping it works and playing more Videogames / Spending time at home.

Luckily, my true friends stayed and nothing has changed. We still play WoW like we did when I was 14, but the problem is still there. Feels like that part of my life has frozen.

And well, the future treatments don’t look that promising. I’m pretty sure I’ll have save quite some money in a few years, but I feel like I’ll never recover my hair (already tried big 3 without results, and I’m considering trying micro needling).

Well, thank you a lot for reading this long post and I hope you guys are doing well.

TL;DR: Chad by age 14, complete mess by age 22 except for friends and career. Not sure I can get back my hair and some of my confidence from back then.
Well you are not gonna score as many girls as the average tall handsome fit nw1 guy , but same goes for most people as they are going to have their own flaws, like being short, having a bad facial structure, being obese or w.e.
As long as you can work with what you got and be social, being bald is not the end of the world. In fact some of my bald friends actually have been dating prettier girls than the nw1s. I mean hair is nice to have , but some people here just refuse to even talk to girls because of their insecurities while some guys are just confident and make things happen
 

tomJ

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I doubt I'll convince you but maybe it'll give you some perspective. I used to suffer from crippling anxiety disorder, including body image issues. I was so afraid of going outside because I was literally convinced that people were laughing at me because I looked weird and ugly.

I can tell you that CBT absolutely turned my life around. I recognize what you're saying: you're skeptical because you think it means deluding yourself, but that's not how it works (or has to work, rather). You're convinced that the thoughts you're having are 100% rational. I used to think the same thing. They're not, though, even if they have a core of truth to them.

It's the way that you process and deal with those thoughts that matter. That's where your irrationality lies. I'm sure your therapist has told you this, but your emotions are driven by your thoughts rather than the other way around. Make no mistake: I haven't deluded myself into thinking I'm attractive. Far from it. I just don't care about it as much anymore, or at least not in the same way. Obviously, I'm here on hair loss forums taking extreme measures because my hair is important to me, so that matters to me a great deal. But I don't let issues like that completely take over my life and make me anxious, depressed and ultimately very unhappy. I've gotten into art, which gives me immense fulfillment. I've found a part-time job, which gives me a lot of free time to spend with my girlfriend, lift weights, and the ability to enjoy the little things in life. I still have those same thoughts, but I just process them very differently. And it's extremely liberating.

You've fallen into the trap where you think anyone who deals with these issues in a healthy way is 'bluepilled' or deluded. You are correct insofar that some men certainly are completely deluded (just be confident bro), but I've personally found that the whole red pill (or in your case, black pill) philosophy is equally delusional and detached from reality. It's too much to get into here, but I've found time and time again that those philosophies simply do not line up with the real world. This happened once I opened myself up to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, the thoughts I was having weren't 100% rational and correct.

So, what are you going to do? Are you going to lay down and rot, and let it consume the rest of your life? Or are you going to work on yourself and make the most out of your life? You don't need good looks or money to be happy and live a fulfilling life. And don't think for a second that good looking or rich people are automatically happy. Does it help? Sure. But my experience has also been that people focused on material gain actually tend to be unhappy, and the same goes for people hyper-focused on their looks (even if they are attractive). The world (and the women/people in it) aren't as black and white as you think they are.

Do with it what you will, but I just wanted to let you know that I was in your position, did something about it, and feel much better because of it.
Did you shave your head?
 

Haironnu

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@Wolf Pack I don't think she said it out of pride, she simply genuinely admitted that based on looks she wouldn't have give me a chance.
also proves that you're either just attractive or unattractive, there is no in-between.

there is no point "looks maxing" if you can't be attractive, I can groom myself, dress well, and what not, but end of day I will not be attractive, maybe I'll be "alright" (doubt I'll even be that since I'm about to be bald), but alright is not attractive, it still falls under unattractive, there is no grey area here, you have smaller categories under unattractive and attractive, but the bigger picture is that they all fall under one of these 2.

I tried tinder before, got about 2-3 matches where I got ghosted instantly, and then I've never gotten any matches again, tried several times, another proof that I am simply far FAR from being attractive.

I also tried hitting on girls irl- instant rejections.
I'm not one of those betas (sorry if I'm offending anyone) that are genuinely happy through the roof once a girl wants them after 99 rejected them, it's pathetic to me.
I personally could never feel good about myself when 1 girl out of 100 want me.


I know you keep mentioning I have a thick hair and could work a buzz cut transplant but (I think I told you this once) it's not going to work, because I need to be on finasteride for that, plus my face does not look good with a buzz cut + the effect that thick hair gives completely goes away if you're on a buzz cut, the shorter your hair is the more thin it looks, especially when you go to so short as zero/buzz, thick hair plays a role on a grown out hair, not buzzed one, it's gonna look really bad.

there's no much hope for me in terms of looks, I already cope with not being with girls by being a monk and trying not to think or mind myself about it, most of the time it works, but I can't shake the depression and bdd from me, can't help it. I'm beyond CBT my depresson is too severe for cbt to work, probably only drugs would make a different but I'm not gonna take drugs that will further make me gain weight/further worsen my gyno or libido, my hormones are far from optimal (another factor that affects my mental health) and I don't want to f*** with them, same reason why I don't take finasteride. it makes no sense to avoid finasteride but then to take anti-depressants.
 

Wolf Pack

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@Wolf Pack I don't think she said it out of pride, she simply genuinely admitted that based on looks she wouldn't have give me a chance.
also proves that you're either just attractive or unattractive, there is no in-between.

I agree about the no in-between and have posted that before. It's just that i think you do have potential to be in that attractive bracket.

there is no point "looks maxing" if you can't be attractive, I can groom myself, dress well, and what not, but end of day I will not be attractive, maybe I'll be "alright" (doubt I'll even be that since I'm about to be bald), but alright is not attractive, it still falls under unattractive, there is no grey area here, you have smaller categories under unattractive and attractive, but the bigger picture is that they all fall under one of these 2.



I tried tinder before, got about 2-3 matches where I got ghosted instantly, and then I've never gotten any matches again, tried several times, another proof that I am simply far FAR from being attractive.

I also tried hitting on girls irl- instant rejections.
I'm not one of those betas (sorry if I'm offending anyone) that are genuinely happy through the roof once a girl wants them after 99 rejected them, it's pathetic to me.
I personally could never feel good about myself when 1 girl out of 100 want me.

Also in agreement about the futility of looks maxing with certain people. Like with anything in life, if it's not working out, it's good to move on then throw more time/money at something which is a lost cause. But it also depends on your mindset. Some people looks max because it makes them feel better about themselves which is applicable at any age and any level of looks. I'm not sure why you're getting so many rejections based on what I saw, were you at your "peak" then? I have a feeling no.


I know you keep mentioning I have a thick hair and could work a buzz cut transplant but (I think I told you this once) it's not going to work, because I need to be on finasteride for that, plus my face does not look good with a buzz cut + the effect that thick hair gives completely goes away if you're on a buzz cut, the shorter your hair is the more thin it looks, especially when you go to so short as zero/buzz, thick hair plays a role on a grown out hair, not buzzed one, it's gonna look really bad.

I think I also told you more than once, that you don't need finasteride for this buzz cut transplant :p Finasteride is needed for all other transplant candidates who want to look good in the long run (unless they have a low pattern or thick donor). With this type of transplant you can can get a Norwood 1 frame, temple points and uniformity all the way to the back. With your hair thickness you may even be able to grow it out a touch to suit your face better. Don't give up without trying man, you have great donor, see a good surgeon to allay your fears. Maybe the dr can build a really good front (Norwood 1) and mid scalp and a thinner crown, will look sweet with your hair calibre and natural.


there's no much hope for me in terms of looks, I already cope with not being with girls by being a monk and trying not to think or mind myself about it, most of the time it works, but I can't shake the depression and bdd from me, can't help it. I'm beyond CBT my depresson is too severe for cbt to work, probably only drugs would make a different but I'm not gonna take drugs that will further make me gain weight/further worsen my gyno or libido, my hormones are far from optimal (another factor that affects my mental health) and I don't want to f*** with them, same reason why I don't take finasteride. it makes no sense to avoid finasteride but then to take anti-depressants.

Yeah anti depressants are way more likely to screw up sexual function (unlike finasteride) and other systemic sides. But at the same time you risk becoming suicidal and further defeatist without medication. They can help you get through the day, function better and get on with your life. They are no magic cure as you know. I would say keep trying with girls everywhere and looksmaxing like a normal guy without incel input (none of those bs jaw exercises you once showed me which you don't need). See where it takes you. If you don't have success or change your mind, like you said, just avoid thinking about it which you're managing to do. Fill your life with other things that make you happy but still keep taking care of yourself. Who knows, that happiness and success may then lead to romantic developments? I do feel your loneliness coming through, that it's not just BDD or OCD. If I was you I would join a sport or exercise club, whether outdoor running or martial arts. You'd feel better from that, clean eating and having a community around you. Again, not a cure but will curb some of that loneliness. Meditation is really beneficial too for your mind (proven) as is nature therapy - whether hiking, owning an animal etc. There's nothing to be ashamed of. This can happen to anyone. Main thing is you don't beat yourself up too much which will become a habit. Every time you feel like that, do something immediately that makes you happy or at least uplifts you. Something simple like playing your fav track or film.

I wasnt referrering to your whole message or taking a side in the argument, I was just talking about that specific saying, because it is a common saying that people say, like it makes any sense. it is just wrong way of thought.

Agree with you, I am also talking about the saying rather than focusing on what Pegasus said. And when I read your comment about justifying everything with it will fade/die one day, I also thought then what's the getting up from my chair lol? Basically this dangerous mentality is a way to justify inaction, incompetency and lack of self respect or care towards others around you. You can use it to justify never studying, raising a family, exploring the world or your passions, taking care of your hair, working out etc. Because nothing is permanent and in 100 years no one will remember us like our ancestors so why bother? Human beings need to build a legacy, have goals, interact with others, work hard or you can become lazy/filled with negative thoughts/depressed. Doing something helps you enjoy the present and that's the focus always. Not doing anything is not fulfilling and they will feel worthless and empty in the long run.

The only time this mentality is useful is for someone who is hyperactive (at risk to his/her own health) and actually needs to take a step back and focus on the big picture. For them, saying everything will fade one day, will help them enjoy their life more. Pegasus is spot on when he says no one should feel sorry for themselves and get what they can from life, something is better than nothing. Never giving up on yourself takes courage and is attractive.
 

DoctorHouse

Senior Member
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@Wolf Pack I don't think she said it out of pride, she simply genuinely admitted that based on looks she wouldn't have give me a chance.
also proves that you're either just attractive or unattractive, there is no in-between.

there is no point "looks maxing" if you can't be attractive, I can groom myself, dress well, and what not, but end of day I will not be attractive, maybe I'll be "alright" (doubt I'll even be that since I'm about to be bald), but alright is not attractive, it still falls under unattractive, there is no grey area here, you have smaller categories under unattractive and attractive, but the bigger picture is that they all fall under one of these 2.

I tried tinder before, got about 2-3 matches where I got ghosted instantly, and then I've never gotten any matches again, tried several times, another proof that I am simply far FAR from being attractive.

I also tried hitting on girls irl- instant rejections.
I'm not one of those betas (sorry if I'm offending anyone) that are genuinely happy through the roof once a girl wants them after 99 rejected them, it's pathetic to me.
I personally could never feel good about myself when 1 girl out of 100 want me.


I know you keep mentioning I have a thick hair and could work a buzz cut transplant but (I think I told you this once) it's not going to work, because I need to be on finasteride for that, plus my face does not look good with a buzz cut + the effect that thick hair gives completely goes away if you're on a buzz cut, the shorter your hair is the more thin it looks, especially when you go to so short as zero/buzz, thick hair plays a role on a grown out hair, not buzzed one, it's gonna look really bad.

there's no much hope for me in terms of looks, I already cope with not being with girls by being a monk and trying not to think or mind myself about it, most of the time it works, but I can't shake the depression and bdd from me, can't help it. I'm beyond CBT my depresson is too severe for cbt to work, probably only drugs would make a different but I'm not gonna take drugs that will further make me gain weight/further worsen my gyno or libido, my hormones are far from optimal (another factor that affects my mental health) and I don't want to f*** with them, same reason why I don't take finasteride. it makes no sense to avoid finasteride but then to take anti-depressants.
As a person who has suffered with BDD all my life, I will tell you the basis of CBT does work when you learn how to rewrite your own narrative. I call it suppression really. You have to focus on things in life that excite you and surround yourself with people that can help you grow in a positive way. I seriously don't think this forum is the healthiest place you can do that unless you seek out the few posters on here who might have really good insight. I was able to do that and maybe that is why I am still here. I won't lie. It did become an addiction which is common when you have mental issues.

In your case, you need to associate yourself with other people who suffer from BDD/OCD that have achieved success in their life and find out how they were able to do it. You can never be cured of this condition. On certain days, especially during the covid19 lockdown my BDD manifested into a deep depression. When you feel hopeless, nothing seems to help other than binging on fast food and getting excited when going on Ubereats or Doordash and deciding on your next binge meal.

The lockdown took something away from me that was actually helping me suppress the typical BDD thoughts. I was unable to go to work and be productive. I didn't have the luxury to work at home because I can only do my job in person. Not only that but I thought financially I was going to go broke. But with the help of President Trump, I didn't. I found ways to help myself with the support of a few posters on here and family, I was able to get thru the lockdown despite the depression. I do think CBD oil and taking 5 HTP might help you some if you don't want to take drugs. I don't take any anti-depressants myself.

The lockdown from covid19 is going to have a detrimental effect on our society. Social media has become nothing more than negative reinforcement. Twitter and Instagram and other platforms have been abused with nothing but insults and put downs. People use social media to be the last comedian standing who can outroast his competition. Social media has made this world infantile and it's sad when adults are acting like children with constant bullying and putdowns on their posts. Rarely do you read something actually helpful or positive. And the tech giants are controlling how people think by editing their platforms the way they see fit. This is going to really destroy society and it's already dividing the world. And you are right, unfortunately you are divided even based on your looks. If you are attractive, you will be treated alot different than if you are not. And if you have hair, you will be treated alot different than if you don't. We all did this to ourselves. However, it's up to you to decide if you want to conform with society or live your life in your own terms. Or at the very least surround yourself with people who truly have your back and accept you for you.
 
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karatekid

Experienced Member
My Regimen
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627
yep, social media is absolute cancer.
Im happy Im old enough to know better, I feel sorry for the younger generations that grow into this crap
 
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