Got called out twice last week

[Captain Obvious]

Something happens to me when people bring up my hair loss, I'm like a deer caught in the headlights. My mind goes blank and I don't know how to respond. Actually I know perfectly well how to respond but it would take a powerpoint presentation to make these stupid people understand what I'm going through.

So the first incident happened when a friend I haven't seen in quite a long time dropped by unexpectedly to smoke some weed and check out my new Cadillac. The first thing he greets me with is "Damn man how old are you?". Obviously he was surprised by the appearance of aging effect my balding causes. I told him I know I look old and he knew damn well how old I am. Anyway, from then on I knew he was constantly on the verge of discussing the change in my appearance and i was doinig everything I could to avoid the topic and keep the conversation away from me. But then it happened, he wiggled his way in by saying "Come here, let me try something". "No!" I yelled. I knew it was going to have something to do with my head. He turned to another friend that was there and said "I was gonna do that thing where you blow smoke in your hair and it stays there" (that's a real "trick" btw) "but he doesn't have much hair". Then the flood gates opened, both of my friends who are 20 and 21 but look to be about 17 started asking me all sorts of stupid questions.

When was the last time you had sex? What have you been eating? Why do we look young and you look so old but we're the same age? I was being bombarded with the stupidest statements, they kept saying that if I got laid more often it would relive the stress and tension that I have inside and my hair could grow. I remember a time before that too where a girl friend said "it's funny to see sexually frustrated guys", referring to my hairloss. Anyway, these dumb asses kept going and I couldn't get through to them that it had nothing to do with sex or diet or stress, I told them it was natural, it was hormonal, and it is genetic. No, they said, I needed to get laid and eat better.

Later on that week my female coworker who I have to work extremely close with asked "Why do you shave your head?". Another stupid question I thought, I figured the reason couldn't be anymore obvious. "You like your head to be bald?" she continued. I just ignored her, I really didn't feel like going into another speech about DHT and genetic hair folicle susceptibility.I feel so stupid when I'm put on the spot because I can either ignore the comments and move the conversation along or I can buckle down for a round of fact vs. myth with people who have no clue what they're talking about.

Why does hair loss have to be so difficult to explain?

 

[k3nn7i]

You sure have tough times there. Friends huh. They are perhaps shocked to see you in that state. I have gone through similar experience. Feel you man...

anyway, I just cast aside those comments. Perhaps make some jokes about it. thats how I deal with them and they seem to stop asking so much abt my hairloss. the fact that they are so blunt mean that
-they care and know nothing abt hairloss (perhaps its because the thought of having hairloss never strike them);
-the feeling of those who lose their hair at such a young age; and
-they are just inconsiderate, sometime.

People won't understand our feeling unless they have the same prob as ours...

 

[ripple-effect]

Ummm.....you don't have to explain why your hair loss occurs to any of them. I'm sure they wouldn't even care even if you did know how to explain it well, and even if they did care they probably wouldn't understand. I know if I wasn't going bald I really give a damn on all the scientific reasoning behind someone else's hair loss. Just tell them you're losing your hair and there's not really much you can do to stop it. That's all you basically have to say....it just confuses me why you think you have to explain the underlying cause and all that lol....

 

[RaginDemon]

damn those are some nasty comments from friends I must admit.

 

[Captain Obvious]

Ummm.....you don't have to explain why your hair loss occurs to any of them. I'm sure they wouldn't even care even if you did know how to explain it well, and even if they did care they probably wouldn't understand. I know if I wasn't going bald I really give a damn on all the scientific reasoning behind someone else's hair loss. Just tell them you're losing your hair and there's not really much you can do to stop it. That's all you basically have to say....it just confuses me why you think you have to explain the underlying cause and all that lol....

the reason i feel compelled to explain is A. For conversations sake, I'm not going to sit there like a statue while they ask why i'm going bald and B. I'd rather tell them the truth rather than them go around spouting off that i'm bald because i'm not getting laid enough

 

[k3nn7i]

To a certain extent, I think you will need to tell them that YES you're losing your hair...and just tell them that you're not comfortable talking abt it. Thats for me at least. If they insist, screw them. I told them straight in the eye, "do you ever think of yourself facing this hairloss in my position and how does it feel when the so-called friends keep on making fun of you because of that?", and somehow they are 'scared' to ask abt my hairloss anymore...So far so good. Nobody did: making fun abt my hairloss again.

I'm not suggesting you to solve it through anger or violence. Its just that I believe that you should let them know abt how you feel...

 

[barcafan]

Dude you gotta be above those people! i know it sounds pretty ridiculous but every time you hear that kind of sh*t just know that those people are lower than you.

 

[ripple-effect]

the reason i feel compelled to explain is A. For conversations sake, I'm not going to sit there like a statue while they ask why i'm going bald and B. I'd rather tell them the truth rather than them go around spouting off that i'm bald because i'm not getting laid enough

First of all....I never said to "sit there like a statue while they ask why you're going bald." I think it's pretty weird if someone asks why you're going bald and then you say something like "Oh, it's because of DHT....blah blah blah." If you want them to know so bad then print off an article on what causes hair loss and hand it to them for crying out loud! Or better yet print off a picture of Vin Diesel, Jason Statham, or Bruce Willis, hand it to them and say "You think they're not getting laid enough?" Not that hard!

 

[k3nn7i]

accept this 'thing' and move on with life

 

[Hans Gruber]

my best advice would be to get new friends,these two guys sound like complete wankers :woot:

 

[hair_tomorrow]

I forget the name of that detective TV show that Bruce Willis used be on w/ that blonde before he got famous ("Blue Moon" maybe?).

But toward the end of the series when his hair started going, there were a few episodes where he reunitied with some friends he hadn't seen in awhile, and one by one they asked:

"what happened to your hair?"

People can be ignorant and thoughtless.

 

[Guest]

I forget the name of that detective TV show that Bruce Willis used be on w/ that blonde before he got famous ("Blue Moon" maybe?).

But toward the end of the series when his hair started going, there were a few episodes where he reunitied with some friends he hadn't seen in awhile, and one by one they asked:

"what happened to your hair?"

People can be ignorant and thoughtless.

Moonlighting?

 

[Sean68]

Dude you gotta be above those people! i know it sounds pretty ridiculous but every time you hear that kind of $#iT just know that those people are lower than you.

:salut:

 

[hair_tomorrow]

[quote="hair_tomorrow":3jmhvxmv]I forget the name of that detective TV show that Bruce Willis used be on w/ that blonde before he got famous ("Blue Moon" maybe?).

But toward the end of the series when his hair started going, there were a few episodes where he reunitied with some friends he hadn't seen in awhile, and one by one they asked:

"what happened to your hair?"

People can be ignorant and thoughtless.

Moonlighting?[/quote:3jmhvxmv]


Yes. Thank you.

 

[Rage]

My standard response is "It's genetic and catching" !

 

[recboi]

I forget the name of that detective TV show that Bruce Willis used be on w/ that blonde before he got famous ("Blue Moon" maybe?).

But toward the end of the series when his hair started going, there were a few episodes where he reunitied with some friends he hadn't seen in awhile, and one by one they asked:

"what happened to your hair?"

People can be ignorant and thoughtless.

I went to a funeral this summer and someone who I hadn't seen in about 6 years asked "did you have a hair transplant?"

 

[Maxpwr]

It depends on how these people make reference to it. People who do not experience hairloss usually don't know much about it at all, so their curiosity is justified, even if it does hurt. I'd rather my friends ask me about my hairloss, rather than talk amongst themselves about it. But if I saw a good friend from way back and he was missing a hand, I would be considerate that he's probably sensitive about it, but would still have to ask him what happened.

I remember one of my colleagues getting called out about his "looking like he's starting to go bald". This was back before I knew anything about hair loss and hadn't noticed mine yet either... The guy who was calling him out about it wouldn't let it go and kept asking the opinion of everyone in the office, and anyone who walked in. I didn't think much of it and didn't really participate in the conversation either. Later on, when I started experiencing it for myself I thought back to that discussion and really felt for the colleague who was getting called out - it kinda made sense that he didn't really say much and was trying to change the subject. But I also thought, you can't really blame the guy who was doing it - he was just curious, and probably asking because the lighting in the office was making my colleague's scalp show up through the gel he used... he was balding though, just not that noticeably.

Unfortunately it's gonna happen no matter what. There's a group of really good friends of mine whom I haven't seen in years... I'm going to be seeing them all soon at a party and am pretty much expecting to get called out by at least one (if not all) of them. I don't mind - after all, baldness is a genetic thing which we can't really help (despite our efforts). It's when the comments turn nasty or just plain ignorant that I don't tolerate it. ...or if they pursue the issue past the point of just being curious.

But still, don't be intimidated to let someone know that you are sensitive about the topic and do not wish to discuss it in detail. Also don't be scared to tell someone that their comments were uncalled for... You don't have to make it evident that you are ashamed of it.

 

[FlashDance]

I have had comments made, and since I don't really let a lot of what people say about me affect me, I am able to brush it off. I usually say something like "Yeah I know. Getting old sucks!" and kinda laugh out loud at my sad predicament. That usually is enough to shut em up and show them that you care, but you're not gonna let it bring you down. They usually comment back "Yeah it does!" and that's it.

 

[Captain Obvious]

It depends on how these people make reference to it. People who do not experience hairloss usually don't know much about it at all, so their curiosity is justified, even if it does hurt. I'd rather my friends ask me about my hairloss, rather than talk amongst themselves about it. But if I saw a good friend from way back and he was missing a hand, I would be considerate that he's probably sensitive about it, but would still have to ask him what happened.

I remember one of my colleagues getting called out about his "looking like he's starting to go bald". This was back before I knew anything about hair loss and hadn't noticed mine yet either... The guy who was calling him out about it wouldn't let it go and kept asking the opinion of everyone in the office, and anyone who walked in. I didn't think much of it and didn't really participate in the conversation either. Later on, when I started experiencing it for myself I thought back to that discussion and really felt for the colleague who was getting called out - it kinda made sense that he didn't really say much and was trying to change the subject. But I also thought, you can't really blame the guy who was doing it - he was just curious, and probably asking because the lighting in the office was making my colleague's scalp show up through the gel he used... he was balding though, just not that noticeably.

Unfortunately it's gonna happen no matter what. There's a group of really good friends of mine whom I haven't seen in years... I'm going to be seeing them all soon at a party and am pretty much expecting to get called out by at least one (if not all) of them. I don't mind - after all, baldness is a genetic thing which we can't really help (despite our efforts). It's when the comments turn nasty or just plain ignorant that I don't tolerate it. ...or if they pursue the issue past the point of just being curious.

But still, don't be intimidated to let someone know that you are sensitive about the topic and do not wish to discuss it in detail. Also don't be scared to tell someone that their comments were uncalled for... You don't have to make it evident that you are ashamed of it.

lol poor guy. and yeah i totally understand why hairy people feel it's no big deal to bring it up for discussion, because it's foriegn to them and they're curious, that's totally cool. i'm not mad at my friends or feeling down about myself, i am just dissapointed that they don't already comprehend baldness. they were like children asking where babies come from. so again that's why i find it so difficult to explain baldness in a way that wont "lose" people. i agree with whoever said genetics is the easiest way to go about it. my dad is bald.

 

[s.a.f]

Strange thing happened last week I was at a family event and one of the guests there was a girl who I had'nt seen for about 16 yrs since we were both teenagers, knowing that she'd be there I was stressing a bit about meeting her imagining her gaze going straight to my terrible hair.
Anyway there I was waiting and she walks through the door weighing about 200lbs! (last time I saw her she was skinny) she looked at me and I could tell that she was thinking about what I must think about her weight so I guess she was too preoccupied to notice my 'problem'.