Avoiding eye contact

[lnknstyl]

Do you notice when holding a conversation with someone, they tend to try to avoid looking at you as much as possible? I have been noticing this a lot recently...just got my hair cut short this past weekend, and I have a huge forehead (high hairline).

I catch glimpses of myself in mirrors at the gym while lifting...you know views from the side, and I am utterly disgusted with my looks. I look really weird, high temples, flat crown area where hair has thinned considerably. I get depressed and cannot work out as hard as before.

I have also caught some rather weird disgusted looks from people as well. Just last night I running on the treadmill, and look to the sides to see people staring at me with that look of disgust. Anyway, I am happy to know that I still have the ability to run a 6 min mile, while their fat asses are sweating on a staitionary bike, thinking that they are losing weight.

If anything, hairloss has taught me to look after myself. I pity all the younger people out there that are eating fat-filled fast food and drinking beer, smoking weed everyday...knowing full well that in about ten years, they will look just like the fat asses at the gym, and not be able to do a damm thing about it. I have absolutely no respect for people like that.

 

[CCS]

I think you are misinterpretting them. they may be looking at you because they are waiting in line, or impressed, or don't like the fact that you are showing them up. I doubt it is out of discust. I only do give disgusted looks if a fat person walks into the convenience store I work at with no shirt on. I ask them to go get a shirt before continuing shopping. Even then not all fat people look that bad. i only send them away if i think some other customer might get grossed out and not come back.

you sound like my crazy ex acquaintance who always thought everyone was stairing at her in disqust.

as for your own reflection, you just got to not look at yoru head so much. i'd tell you to wear a hat for your own sake, but I don't want your head over heating on the treatmill. just focus on how good you feel that you are at the gym and eating right, and let that bring your self esteem up.

DO NOT bring up your self esteem by looking down on 20 year olds. This will just put you in a mind set that will keep you from intereacting with them well, and soon you will widen the age gap. You have to see that you are using a defense mechanism that will skew your life views if you don't stop.

 

[barnabas]

The previous post is basically true. I used to think I was always getting laughed at, glared at, or made fun of back in high school days (I was a pretty huge nerd), but eventually I realized it was almost never the case. And in the extremely unlikely event that it is, who cares? You will never know or care about those people.

 

[CCS]

I have to add one more thing to that. Many times I thought people were calling my name or waving at me, and it was always someone else behind me. You don't need to worry about people glaring at you. More likely, people will just ignore you. Even if I see someone gross looking, i don't change my facial expression over it, and usually don't look that long. if someone changes their facial expression, it is usually because they wonder why you are staring at them.

as for meeting new people, i found that people with few friends are usually eager to hold a confersation with me, whereas people with plenty of friends won't give new people the time of day unless they want something from them. so don't get discouraged because one or two people blow you off. Also, many good looking people have partners. not only does it take a long time for a pretty woman to find a guy who looks as good as she does, but he often is taken. usually the best looking people will stay with someone less attractive for a whiile and then dump then later when they find a closer match, and sometimes will get dumped by that match. but once they find an equal, they usually stay together for years if they are compatible, since they see no reason to leave each other.



and one more thing i got to say that i know i will get a lot of people offended about:
many people point out to me that looks must not matter since many ugly people are still together for years and years. My rebuttal to that is that if they will not have a motive to cheat or leave if no one better looking gives then an offer. Also, if that better looking person is ugly too, the partner will not have that strong of an urge and would rather not betray the other partner. Usually people divorce or cheat when one of them changes appearance faster than the other and gets a better offer. Few people leave before they get an offer. usually when someone dumps someone, they already have found someone else. If two people loose their looks at the same rate, neither will get better looking offers, or at least not much better looking, and neither will be as inclined to cheat or leave based on appearance.

and one more thing. everyone can get sex with someone who looks a little better than themself, though not as often as they can get it with someone who looks as good or worse. very rarely, they can get someone who looks a lot better. So if people have a committed relationship, that means turning these other people down when the chance comes. if one partner looks better than the other, the better looking partner will get even better offers compared to her partner's looks, and will need even more commitment to turn them down.

in many relationships, both partners are cheating, and they are not having sex with each other. just because you are married to someone does not mean they will have sex with you. and if you wish that were a rule, what if they gain a bunch of weight? we think the world is rosy when we grow up, but it is not for most couples.

 

[Aplunk1]

and one more thing i got to say that i know i will get a lot of people offended about:
many people point out to me that looks must not matter since many ugly people are still together for years and years. My rebuttal to that is that if they will not have a motive to cheat or leave if no one better looking gives then an offer. Also, if that better looking person is ugly too, the partner will not have that strong of an urge and would rather not betray the other partner. Usually people divorce or cheat when one of them changes appearance faster than the other and gets a better offer. Few people leave before they get an offer. usually when someone dumps someone, they already have found someone else. If two people loose their looks at the same rate, neither will get better looking offers, or at least not much better looking, and neither will be as inclined to cheat or leave based on appearance.

and one more thing. everyone can get sex with someone who looks a little better than themself, though not as often as they can get it with someone who looks as good or worse. very rarely, they can get someone who looks a lot better. So if people have a committed relationship, that means turning these other people down when the chance comes. if one partner looks better than the other, the better looking partner will get even better offers compared to her partner's looks, and will need even more commitment to turn them down.

in many relationships, both partners are cheating, and they are not having sex with each other. just because you are married to someone does not mean they will have sex with you. and if you wish that were a rule, what if they gain a bunch of weight? we think the world is rosy when we grow up, but it is not for most couples.

Wow, what a grim way to view things.

You don't honestly believe all of this, do you?

 

[CCS]

gfhgfdh

 

[CCS]

dhghfh

 

[Guest]

if one partner looks better than the other, the better looking partner will get even better offers compared to her partner's looks, and will need even more commitment to turn them down.

Women get hit on more than men because most men are more aggressive. A "6" woman will get hit on more than a "7" man.

 

[CCS]

this is very true. at bars, women can get better looking dates than guys can get. this is partially because fewer women go or fewer women are willing to go home with a stranger for fear of pregnacy and higher risk of STD's than guys face. So the numbers are in the women's favor. However, if a guy is assertive, and looking for a longer term relationship, he can get a woman who looks as good as he does.

 

[Guest]

this is very true. at bars, women can get better looking dates than guys can get. this is partially because fewer women go or fewer women are willing to go home with a stranger for fear of pregnacy and higher risk of STD's than guys face. So the numbers are in the women's favor. However, if a guy is assertive, and looking for a longer term relationship, he can get a woman who looks as good as he does.

all good points college but wasn't even referring to that.

i'm just saying that in general men are far more aggressive than women and it is rare for a woman to approach a man unless the guy is something special.

 

[barnabas]

Wow, what a grim way to view things.

You don't honestly believe all of this, do you?

I honestly think the guy could probably use some therapy when it comes to relationships and the opposite sex, he has some really messed-up views on things. I know he'll claim he's being a "realist," but it seems more like attempting to quantify and make laws for things based on a few failures that he's witnessed/experienced and disregard everything more positive (and probably more realistic). You can't quantify attraction so easily, every time someone says something about how they got a woman without any hair he says "well...hair counts for 20%, so they must have been rich...if not, the woman will cheat and move on the second they find someone more attractive! All lasting relationships that don't involve cheating are between people who are the same level of attractive according to my objective grading scale of 1-10!"

I see unattractive men with attractive women ALL THE TIME, and they most definitely aren't rich in 90% of cases. I'd say more attractive couples divorce than mixed or unattractive, cause those are usually based on things more concrete and important than appearance. Just because many young men are shallow bastards that will often move on to the first more-attractive woman they see doesn't mean all women are like that. The sexes are NOT identical. If they don't care about personality, then sure. But real relationships don't dissolve over temptations, if everyone acted on all their impulses and opportunites for more attractive people NO relationship would ever stay together for more than a week.

 

[IBM]

.

 

[CCS]

yeah, same to you

 

[powersam]

heheh in one month you've surpassed my post count since 2003.

you dont think your life view is somewhat grim?

 

[Guest]

college, did you ever have a girlfriend? just asking.

 

[CCS]

never.

one of my acqauintances kissed me once. I don't know if it was out of sympathy or just because she wanted to varify she could when she wanted to. I think the latter.

I've asked a total of 30 or so women, all said no, and I met about 10 women online, but all of them without seeing their picture and they all lied about what they looked like. One said 5'5" (165cm), 120 pounds (50kg), non-smoking. When I met her, she was 5'5", but she was 170 pounds, and smoked.

The most progress I've had was talking to women about platonic topics at the grocery store (several times, different women) or joining hot women in a hot tub and not getting shunned but not getting their number either, and meeting a woman by the pool and her telling me her room number and us hanging out for 3 hours the next day in her room at night. And the acquiantence I hung out with almost 3 years. She never wanted to date me, but liked the attention and flattery i gave her. Most of hour outings resembled innocent dates at very romantic places, like over looking the city on a mountain road.

With the exception of the blind online dates, all these women were very pretty. They were not in the same league as the very best models, but they were as good looking as many of the women on fassion magazines. I'd rate them 8-8.5. The rating all my pictures on http://www.hotornot.com got was always about a 6.5.

 

[powersam]

i'd suggest lowering your standards maybe?

 

[porajj]

never.

one of my acqauintances kissed me once. I don't know if it was out of sympathy or just because she wanted to varify she could when she wanted to. I think the latter.

I've asked a total of 30 or so women, all said no, and I met about 10 women online, but all of them without seeing their picture and they all lied about what they looked like. One said 5'5" (165cm), 120 pounds (50kg), non-smoking. When I met her, she was 5'5", but she was 170 pounds, and smoked.

The most progress I've had was talking to women about platonic topics at the grocery store (several times, different women) or joining hot women in a hot tub and not getting shunned but not getting their number either, and meeting a woman by the pool and her telling me her room number and us hanging out for 3 hours the next day in her room at night. And the acquiantence I hung out with almost 3 years. She never wanted to date me, but liked the attention and flattery i gave her. Most of hour outings resembled innocent dates at very romantic places, like over looking the city on a mountain road.

With the exception of the blind online dates, all these women were very pretty. They were not in the same league as the very best models, but they were as good looking as many of the women on fassion magazines. I'd rate them 8-8.5. The rating all my pictures on http://www.hotornot.com got was always about a 6.5.

hotornot.com ???

LOL

That site is totally rediculous.

All that people look for is six pack abs/military background. If you're wearin a uniform or you have your shirt off, you will be in the 90s.

I had a friend with long hair post a pic there of just him with a shirt on-- no flashy clothes. He was rated in the 70s after about 1000 votes.

He took his shirt off, (he is fairly ripped), took pic of himself, posted again, and he was in the 90s.


you cannot quantify appearance correctly by any means.

 

[kalbo]

ccs, I don't mean to offend, but I think you should re-evalute your views on relationships considering you yourself never been in one. Like someone already mentioned, relationships shouldn't be broken down to an exact science.... and also, stop constantly paying attention to the negative stories and start considering to the positive ones.

Anyways, this has been trailing way off topic so:

Do you notice when holding a conversation with someone, they tend to try to avoid looking at you as much as possible? I have been noticing this a lot recently...just got my hair cut short this past weekend, and I have a huge forehead (high hairline).

I catch glimpses of myself in mirrors at the gym while lifting...you know views from the side, and I am utterly disgusted with my looks. I look really weird, high temples, flat crown area where hair has thinned considerably. I get depressed and cannot work out as hard as before.

I have also caught some rather weird disgusted looks from people as well. Just last night I running on the treadmill, and look to the sides to see people staring at me with that look of disgust. Anyway, I am happy to know that I still have the ability to run a 6 min mile, while their fat asses are sweating on a staitionary bike, thinking that they are losing weight.

If anything, hairloss has taught me to look after myself. I pity all the younger people out there that are eating fat-filled fast food and drinking beer, smoking weed everyday...knowing full well that in about ten years, they will look just like the fat asses at the gym, and not be able to do a damm thing about it. I have absolutely no respect for people like that.

Trust when I say this... no one's looking at you. And I'm not just saying that to get on your nerves, it's true. People constantly think that everyone's watching them, but unless you're really attractive, have some sort of abnormality (and baldness is far from an abnormality), or just asking for attention, then no one is giving you "looks".

I find myself looking at people all the time and they notice that I was looking at them too, but honestly, 90% of the time I'm just looking at them for no apparent reason. I just tend to stare at things or people even though I'm thinking of something that has nothing to do with them at all.


But as to your question of ppl not looking at your eyes when they talk to you, I don't know about that. I've been looking bald ppl dead in the eye for as long as I remember, so if ppl are doing it to you, it probably has nothing to do with your baldness. Maybe you've just been talking to a bunch of shy ppl recently.... or maybe even some girls (or guys) who were attracted to you.

However, I do hate the stare-at-your-hairline-instead-of-your-eyes bit. I swear, it's like they've never seen a guy with a receding hairline before.

 

[CCS]

i rarely look people in the eye when i talk to them. not my brother, my friends, my coworkers, women. Well, i try harder to look women in the eyes, but even then I look at the ceiling or somewhere else.