Hair Loss Treatments
Hair Loss & Alopecia Information, Support, and Treatments
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  1. #1

    berserker69's story

    Hi all.

    I'll first thank all the posters on here for their progress reports, questions, answers, advice, support, research and insights..

    I have lurked for the best part of a year now, and have learned so much about hair loss. I guess I have been putting off ever registering as some sorta psychological denial tool, to think I could just gleam the info I needed from browsing and change my situation.

    Hair loss has really taken over my life, I have had a pretty rough last couple of years with regards to life events, I won't go into details. But looking back I can see a pattern of how self conscious and insecure my hair loss has made me, my confidence (always self esteem issues before) has been decimated.

    So, about me: I am 26 years old, i first noticed receding hairline maybe 4 years ago, kinda thought not much about it. Tried to conceal it with my hair, but i defo didn't consider myself as balding. Denial, yeah...

    I always had really, really thick hair, and used to have barbers thin it out. I cursed it! Couldn't style it any way I liked, but the flipside seemed to me that I would at elast have that hair for a long, long time.

    But I have lost so much coverage on the scalp, something that I only realised a couple of summers back under some harshg ligthing in the mirror - it was a terrifying moment... I had been using minoxidil on and off for some time but only ever applied it to the temples where I knew I was receding. Suffice to say now I am liberally dropping that sh*t all over my head....

    My hair is really bad now, and at the stage where women have told me to just buzz it all off. I would actually love to be able to do that - to stop obsessing over hairlines, scalp coverage - I spend my whole day (when i actually leave my flat) studying other mens hair, taking heart when i see some mpb or feeling further isolated and depressed when see a youthful full head of hair, and the carefree attitude that I assume must go with it.....

    So buzzing it all off, while I don't think it suits me, would at least allow to move on with my life and start building an actual personality which girls might find attractive. Assertive, confident, playful you know. But I suffer from a wierd scalp condition/deformity, called cutis verticis gyrata. I have excessive scalp skin which forms folds and furrows runnnig antero-posteriorly on my head - it kinda looks like the gyrata of the brain, as if it was bulgin out through my scalp! The hair is very sparse on the folds and thick in the furrows, so it kinda looks like Garfield/ go faster stripes too... I only noticed it during my early twenties, it was palpable but I thought it was maybe just my hair, the way it grew or something. But buzzing it short (which I've done plenty times, always regretting it but I get so frustrated and impulsive some times for a 'change'....)
    makes it very noticable, had comments from randoms in the street etc and I do look like a freak.

    So that's my dilemma - i am going bald, hair is awful right now, but i can't shave it off cos of the CVG. The doctors say i just have to come to terms with it, but I can't do that. I am so so insecure in my appearance as it is, i feel so ugly, haven't had a girfriend in almost 2 years. The last one i had was stunnig, a really strong French woman, but i was that insecure and i guess intimidated by her I blew things big time. I recall and things ared only getting worse. I am a hat prisoner, much as I hate them and don't suit them, but it helps me get on in the world to some degreee....

    I'm determined to not be that bitter, hateful and resentful guy always cursing life and how i could have done so much more with my life if it wasn't for these trivial matters of vanity. I would do anything to just be able to accept my appearance, to be able to think that yeah, some girl some where could be turned on by me..... But I'm just so insecure and that's the most unattractive trait anyone can have - especially a big, muscular guy with tattoos and piercings who looks like he is or should be confident, or at least tough enough to not give a f*ck what people say or think of him...

    I have used finasteride in the past, and didn't notice any major sides, but have been reading the infamous collectives of PFS victims online recently and it has freaked me the f*ck out! My biggest fear is being alone for the rest of my life, never being intimate with a girl again.... So if i kept my hair but suffered possible permanent sexual side effects and couldn't please a girl it really would mean the end of things for me. I loved sex, in the midst of isolating depression it has been th one thing that could make life worth living. But that was th old me, who had some confidence in how I looked, and didn't know anything about concealers, norwoods, erectile dysfunction....

    I haven't had a girlfriend in two years, haven't had enjoyable sex for well over one year and I just can't see myself ever meeting anyone again. I'm not being overly emotive or feeling sorry for myself - this is more of a logical conclusion I've come to. Like atm, i have nothing going for me... It's pretty devastating!

    I guess I'm looking for some advice or support of those who have been in a similar situation, for maybe a more balanced outlook on the sides thing of fiansteride. Apologies for the long wording and erratic writing, I feel like there's so much for me to get off my chest or that might be relevant.. I'll add more in further posts, maybe take some photos of my hair/head. It's taken a long time for me to be able to think about doing that - I am notoriously photophobic. I often see a photo of myself and it just devastates me that that is how I look... Like I said, my self esteem is sooo low and fragile....

    I am getting help with the psychological issues, (there are alot there!), and to further complicate things I've been using steroids on and off for the last 6 years. So yeah, I'm my own worst enemy sometimes, I could mask low mood and esteem issues with developing my physique and how testosterone makes you feel, but conversely I was accelerating my hair loss and ultimately leading myself into a bleak future.....

    If only I could do things all over again eh? Hindsight!

    Thanks for reading, Peace.


  2. #2

    Re: BERSERKER69 - Cutis Verticis Gyrata compounding hair loss...

    Also to add, I have tried using spiro lotion before - i made my own, extracted the spironoloactone from tabs but i didn't really put much thought into the vehicle at all, and only used what i had to hand. The resultant solution irritates my scalp too much, probz too much alcohol in the solution...

    In the pasty have sporadically used finasteride and dutasteride, usually whilst on (AAS) cycle.... My downfall has been that I never committed to consistency, either through laziness, denial, or sheer bad luck (had so many items disappear in the post - maybe I should have a look for Scottish postmen posting success stories, ha...)

    I think I even used Fluridil at one point too, from the Czech Rep.... But again, never maintained the treatment....

    I'd love to look into getting ahold of the likes of CB or RU to see if that could sort out my hair, and not risk the plethora of possible side effects from finasteride. I'm predisposed to alot of them, so whereas in the past I' ve been very cavalier and gung ho in my attitude to taking chemicals (recreational, functional) without any second thought I'm now realising the delicate balance of homeostasis and how much abuse I have put my body through....

    Then sometimes I think I'm being paranoid and overthinking evrything, man I gotta find that middle ground!


  3. #3

    Re: berserker69's story

    Hi Ben, cheers for chipping in.

    I have seen much worse cases than mine online but it still really affects me. I think if i didn't have CVG I would just shave off my hair and be able to actually interact with people and not have thoughts of my f*ckin hairloss running through my mind all the time....

    It scares me how I can't see myself ever coming to terms with my appearance, cos I'm stuck with having to keep my receded and badly thinned out hair at a length which covers the CVG...

    I met one guy IRL who had it and I think he had had some surgery for it. But it did leave bald patches on his head, still at least can shave it all right down that way....

    I hope urs doesn't progress bud.


  4. #4
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2011

    Re: berserker69's story


    You've been on Fin and Dut in the past with, as you say, "no major sides". What makes you think that you will suddenly develop incredibly rare permanent sides? You have every reason to believe that you can tolerate these medications, and that you will not suddenly develop permanent sexual dysfunction.

    (If this happens at all, it is exceedingly rare -- to my knowledge, not one incident of this has never been documented in a randomized control trial involving Fin! Personally, I am extremely sceptical that Fin can cause permanent sexual dysfunction. Remember that the incidence of sexual dysfunction in the general male population is estimated to be as high as 30% (and even higher among women). So it is, to say the least, very difficult to untangle the reports of permanent dysfunction arising during treatment with finasteride....)

    Nearly all medical treatments have potential costs and potential benefits. You need to measure these, for your personal case, and see what comes out on top - costs or benefits. My guess is that, given the intense psychological anguish you are suffering partly as a result of your MPB, the potential benefits will far outweigh the (absolutely minuscule) potential costs. If I'm right, then you should get back on Finasteride pronto and 5% Minoxidil, at least once daily.

    Good luck!

  5. #5

    Re: berserker69's story

    Thanks discursively, yeah you're right man, I need to see what fin can do for me.

    I've never been one to take the side effects thing that seriously but it's just since having read about the important role 5a reductase plays in catalysing important biosynthesis pathways of neuro chemicals that it does strike me that maybe it is a really risky compound to be playing with.

    I might dissolve my fin in vodka so I can dose 0.5mg or similar...


  6. #6
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2011

    Re: berserker69's story

    I'd ask a chemist before dissolving fin in vodka!

    Quote Originally Posted by berserker69
    Thanks discursively, yeah you're right man, I need to see what fin can do for me.

    I've never been one to take the side effects thing that seriously but it's just since having read about the important role 5a reductase plays in catalysing important biosynthesis pathways of neuro chemicals that it does strike me that maybe it is a really risky compound to be playing with.

    I might dissolve my fin in vodka so I can dose 0.5mg or similar...


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